 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
SPICE WORLD
* * (1998, 93 minutes, Rated PG)
Stuff happens.
IN A HURRY? THEN CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW AT THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
Ah, remember when we cared?
Well, by "we," I don't mean me, because I never cared. And I wouldn't blame you if you never cared
either. By "we," I meant a more global we. Cuz if this movie is to be believed, in the mid- to
late-'90s, the entire world was Spice Girls Crazy. Screaming lunatic kind of crazy.
* * (1998, 93 minutes, Rated PG)
Stuff happens.
IN A HURRY? THEN CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW AT THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
Ah, remember when we cared?
Well, by "we," I don't mean me, because I never cared. And I wouldn't blame you if you never cared
either. By "we," I meant a more global we. Cuz if this movie is to be believed, in the mid- to
late-'90s, the entire world was Spice Girls Crazy. Screaming lunatic kind of crazy.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Every now and then, Nolahn will take a break from
reviewing crappy films no one has ever heard of to review
spectacularly bad films that everyone has heard of. Brace
yourself for another installment of...
CRAP OF THE TITANS!
reviewing crappy films no one has ever heard of to review
spectacularly bad films that everyone has heard of. Brace
yourself for another installment of...
CRAP OF THE TITANS!
This entry into THE GAUNTLET comes in the form of a direct challenge
from Chef Tom, who provides the excellent "Bad Movies, Good Eats"
column every month over at the Bloggin' Bin Revue. I'd given Chef Tom
from Chef Tom, who provides the excellent "Bad Movies, Good Eats"
column every month over at the Bloggin' Bin Revue. I'd given Chef Tom
At least the film doesn't start off crazy: We get a groovy, James Bond-esque opening credit
sequence of the 'Girls performing a surprisingly down-beat R&B tune. It's far better than I was
expecting. Then the performance ends, and their manager (Richard E. Grant of "Crossing Jordan"
fame) leads them out a back entrance to where a thousand screaming fans are waiting... and
then the film goes bat-shit crazy.
The Spice Girls -- who are never really introduced individually, you're just supposed to know who
they are cuz they're The Spice Girls -- are ferried into their custom-made double-decker bus. The
interior of the bus looks like the interior of a '60s-style UFO and is roughly the size of a basketball
court.
We later see that each 'Girl has her own kitchenette-sized nook within the bus, filled with
theme-related stuff: Baby Spice has a swing and an endless supply of lollipops, Sporty Spice has
exercise equipment, Posh Spice has a giant wardrobe of designer clothes and a catwalk... you get
the idea. They're like live-action Care Bears that way.
sequence of the 'Girls performing a surprisingly down-beat R&B tune. It's far better than I was
expecting. Then the performance ends, and their manager (Richard E. Grant of "Crossing Jordan"
fame) leads them out a back entrance to where a thousand screaming fans are waiting... and
then the film goes bat-shit crazy.
The Spice Girls -- who are never really introduced individually, you're just supposed to know who
they are cuz they're The Spice Girls -- are ferried into their custom-made double-decker bus. The
interior of the bus looks like the interior of a '60s-style UFO and is roughly the size of a basketball
court.
We later see that each 'Girl has her own kitchenette-sized nook within the bus, filled with
theme-related stuff: Baby Spice has a swing and an endless supply of lollipops, Sporty Spice has
exercise equipment, Posh Spice has a giant wardrobe of designer clothes and a catwalk... you get
the idea. They're like live-action Care Bears that way.
a bunch of movies that would lend themselves to the column to choose from.
One of them was Howard the Duck. I was really hoping for Howard the Duck.
Chef Tom picked this instead.
One of them was Howard the Duck. I was really hoping for Howard the Duck.
Chef Tom picked this instead.
| EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! |
| Like this, but with girl parts. |
BUT WAIT! There's Alan Cummings as a bumbling filmmaker
who is making a documentary about a week in the life of the
Spice Girls. Ugh, it looks like we may be heading into
"mockumentary" terrain...
BUT WAIT! There's George Wendt (Norm!) as a film producer
who sees the Spice Girls on TV and thinks, "By God, I gotsta
make a movie with them." So he starts talking with a
screenwriter abou--
BUT WAIT! The 'Girls are in rehearsal when an old friend of
theirs, a pregnant Asian gal, shows up. She's like the sixth
Spice Girl! And pregnant! Maybe the little bundle of joy on the
way will teach the Spice Girls that there's more to life than fame
and mo--
who is making a documentary about a week in the life of the
Spice Girls. Ugh, it looks like we may be heading into
"mockumentary" terrain...
BUT WAIT! There's George Wendt (Norm!) as a film producer
who sees the Spice Girls on TV and thinks, "By God, I gotsta
make a movie with them." So he starts talking with a
screenwriter abou--
BUT WAIT! The 'Girls are in rehearsal when an old friend of
theirs, a pregnant Asian gal, shows up. She's like the sixth
Spice Girl! And pregnant! Maybe the little bundle of joy on the
way will teach the Spice Girls that there's more to life than fame
and mo--
BUT WAIT! There's this high-powered publisher (he even has a stupidly huge name plate on his
desk that reads PUBLISHER) who wants to break up the Spice Girls so he can sell more
newspapers! What? That doesn't make any s--
BUT WAIT! There's Roger Moore! He's in some kind of secluded lair, purring into the phone to
Richard E. Grant. Is he a super villain? No! He's a... I don't know! And my nose is bleeding!
And that's the real problem with this film: It's all over the place, without even an attempt at any sort
of plot or coherence. I didn't know what the hell was going on, which is sad because I was taking
notes.
As if the action didn't jump around like a Ritalin-fueled teenybopper enough, there are fantasy
sequences. We get one of all the 'Girls pregnant, and another of the 'Girls all dressed up like
each other. The 'Girls are all part of a team of super spies in another, with Master of Disguise
Ginger Spice transforming herself as Bob Hoskins (himself in a cameo).
desk that reads PUBLISHER) who wants to break up the Spice Girls so he can sell more
newspapers! What? That doesn't make any s--
BUT WAIT! There's Roger Moore! He's in some kind of secluded lair, purring into the phone to
Richard E. Grant. Is he a super villain? No! He's a... I don't know! And my nose is bleeding!
And that's the real problem with this film: It's all over the place, without even an attempt at any sort
of plot or coherence. I didn't know what the hell was going on, which is sad because I was taking
notes.
As if the action didn't jump around like a Ritalin-fueled teenybopper enough, there are fantasy
sequences. We get one of all the 'Girls pregnant, and another of the 'Girls all dressed up like
each other. The 'Girls are all part of a team of super spies in another, with Master of Disguise
Ginger Spice transforming herself as Bob Hoskins (himself in a cameo).
| It's like they were separated at birth... |
Yes, there are cameos galore. Elvis Costello appears as a bartender, Meat Loaf is their bus
driver... you get the idea. All the cameos seem particularly appropriate, because nearly all of the
acting in the film has that air of self-conscious stunt-casting.
All in all, the film isn't completely horrible. The Spice Girls themselves are no better or worse than
any other musicians making their first real attempts at acting, and I didn't hate their music as
much as I remembered hating it. And there are a few good lines in there, like when the 'Girls
manager says, "I've told them before: If they want to be spontaneous, they have to clear it with me
first!" But that doesn't make it any easier to follow.
So: incoherent but not unwatchable. How's that for faint praise?
Make sure you check out Chef Tom's Spice World edition of "Bad Movies,
Good Eats" over at the Bloggin' Bin Revue.
driver... you get the idea. All the cameos seem particularly appropriate, because nearly all of the
acting in the film has that air of self-conscious stunt-casting.
All in all, the film isn't completely horrible. The Spice Girls themselves are no better or worse than
any other musicians making their first real attempts at acting, and I didn't hate their music as
much as I remembered hating it. And there are a few good lines in there, like when the 'Girls
manager says, "I've told them before: If they want to be spontaneous, they have to clear it with me
first!" But that doesn't make it any easier to follow.
So: incoherent but not unwatchable. How's that for faint praise?
Make sure you check out Chef Tom's Spice World edition of "Bad Movies,
Good Eats" over at the Bloggin' Bin Revue.
