ALL TOO SHOCKING
Loving the unloved.
This Bin Special was meant to be a collection of well-known stinkers that you -- the readers --
secretly enjoy. I figured, everyone has at least one cinematic skeleton in their closet, right?
Apparently not. It seems that all of you have pristine and impeccable taste in movies, because not
a single one of you wrote in. So thanks, ya bums.
Never mind, I'll do the heavy lifting for you with my very own private TOP FIVE MOVIES I
SHOCKINGLY LIKE.
What's that? You say the folks over at Cracked.com called and they want their format back? Bite
me -- you should've written in.
Loving the unloved.
This Bin Special was meant to be a collection of well-known stinkers that you -- the readers --
secretly enjoy. I figured, everyone has at least one cinematic skeleton in their closet, right?
Apparently not. It seems that all of you have pristine and impeccable taste in movies, because not
a single one of you wrote in. So thanks, ya bums.
Never mind, I'll do the heavy lifting for you with my very own private TOP FIVE MOVIES I
SHOCKINGLY LIKE.
What's that? You say the folks over at Cracked.com called and they want their format back? Bite
me -- you should've written in.
#5: THE ISLAND (2005)
In a Nutshell: Logan's Run 2.0, with young Obi Wan and the
chick from Lost in Translation. They run and run and run and
run and KA-BOOM! Directed by Michael Bay.
Why It's Unloved: Well, in no particular order... the trailer was
an incomprehensible mess, no one knew what the hell the
movie was about, the film's title is both vague and nearly
irrelevant, and while McGregor and Johansson are both quality
actors, neither can quite sell a film on just their names alone.
Also, the "directed by Michael Bay" bit didn't help.
Why I Love It: It's Logan's Run 2.0 with Ewan McGregor and
Scarlett Johansson. And Sean Bean as (spoiler?) The
Villainous Bastard. Certainly, it's not a perfect movie, but as
In a Nutshell: Logan's Run 2.0, with young Obi Wan and the
chick from Lost in Translation. They run and run and run and
run and KA-BOOM! Directed by Michael Bay.
Why It's Unloved: Well, in no particular order... the trailer was
an incomprehensible mess, no one knew what the hell the
movie was about, the film's title is both vague and nearly
irrelevant, and while McGregor and Johansson are both quality
actors, neither can quite sell a film on just their names alone.
Also, the "directed by Michael Bay" bit didn't help.
Why I Love It: It's Logan's Run 2.0 with Ewan McGregor and
Scarlett Johansson. And Sean Bean as (spoiler?) The
Villainous Bastard. Certainly, it's not a perfect movie, but as
far as mindless popcorn movies go, it's mindless fun (with a heaping side of mindless).
What To Watch For: I don't want to go into too much detail, but there are a couple of scenes
pairing Ewan McGregor with Ewan McGregor and his actual Scottish accent that are an absolute
treat.
What To Watch For: I don't want to go into too much detail, but there are a couple of scenes
pairing Ewan McGregor with Ewan McGregor and his actual Scottish accent that are an absolute
treat.
#4: DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004)
In a Nutshell: Zombies + Mall - the social commentary of the
1978 original
Why It's Unloved: To zombie aficionados, producing a remake
of Dawn of the Dead is as pointless as futile as producing a
remake of The Godfather. Also, we don't get to see any
zombies riding escalators. Which is not surprising, given that
this was made by the same guy who made a movie about
going to war with Persia at a time when we're at war with
Persia without actually saying anything about Mr. Bush's
trillion-dollar vanity project.
In fact, "Mr. Bush's trillion-dollar vanity project" is more social
commentary than in this movie and 300 combined.
In a Nutshell: Zombies + Mall - the social commentary of the
1978 original
Why It's Unloved: To zombie aficionados, producing a remake
of Dawn of the Dead is as pointless as futile as producing a
remake of The Godfather. Also, we don't get to see any
zombies riding escalators. Which is not surprising, given that
this was made by the same guy who made a movie about
going to war with Persia at a time when we're at war with
Persia without actually saying anything about Mr. Bush's
trillion-dollar vanity project.
In fact, "Mr. Bush's trillion-dollar vanity project" is more social
commentary than in this movie and 300 combined.
Why I Love It: Quite simply, on its own merits, the Dawn of the Dead remake is a fun zombie
movie. Not groundbreaking by any means, but fun -- some good scares early on before morphing
into the zombie version of Aliens in the end.
What To Watch For: There's some inspired music choices in this movie, and the opening credits
accompanied by Johnny Cash is bad ass:
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
