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ALL TOO
SHOCKING 2:
MOVIES I HATE
In which Nolahn loses friends and alienates readers.
BACK to the beginning
SHOCKING 2:
MOVIES I HATE
In which Nolahn loses friends and alienates readers.
BACK to the beginning
#3: CHASING AMY (1997)
The Love: Widely considered Kevin Smith's best film... 91%
Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes and
88% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community... Won
two Independent Spirit Awards.
Why I Hate It: Of all the movies on this list I'd be willing to give
a second chance, this is the one. And I take no pleasure in
calling it out, because I generally love Kevin Smith's movies.
But I spent the entire movie direly wishing that Ben Affleck's
Holden would shut the hell up.
Perhaps I'm just awesomely progressive, but even in 1997, I
was able to get my head around homosexuality. I came
dangerously close to standing up in the middle of the theater
and shouting, "Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, she's gay! Get
over it! It isn't rocket science!"
The Love: Widely considered Kevin Smith's best film... 91%
Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes and
88% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community... Won
two Independent Spirit Awards.
Why I Hate It: Of all the movies on this list I'd be willing to give
a second chance, this is the one. And I take no pleasure in
calling it out, because I generally love Kevin Smith's movies.
But I spent the entire movie direly wishing that Ben Affleck's
Holden would shut the hell up.
Perhaps I'm just awesomely progressive, but even in 1997, I
was able to get my head around homosexuality. I came
dangerously close to standing up in the middle of the theater
and shouting, "Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, she's gay! Get
over it! It isn't rocket science!"
#2: THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT
MARY (1998)
The Love: Third highest-grossing film of 1998, and highest
grossing comedy (if you don't count Armageddon)... 83%
Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes and
85% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community...
Ranked #27 on AFI's 100 Years, 100 Laughs, beating out
such classic comedies as Ghostbusters, Animal House,
Caddyshack and This is Spinal Tap.
Why I Hate It: It's one thing that I don't care for Ben Stiller
when he's in wimpy pathetic loser mode, but a comedy
shouldn't feel like an endurance test. Wikipedia describes
this film as a combination of rom-com and gross-out comedy.
I describe it as a combination of a gross-out comedy and the
most f'd up Japanese game show you can imagine.
MARY (1998)
The Love: Third highest-grossing film of 1998, and highest
grossing comedy (if you don't count Armageddon)... 83%
Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes and
85% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community...
Ranked #27 on AFI's 100 Years, 100 Laughs, beating out
such classic comedies as Ghostbusters, Animal House,
Caddyshack and This is Spinal Tap.
Why I Hate It: It's one thing that I don't care for Ben Stiller
when he's in wimpy pathetic loser mode, but a comedy
shouldn't feel like an endurance test. Wikipedia describes
this film as a combination of rom-com and gross-out comedy.
I describe it as a combination of a gross-out comedy and the
most f'd up Japanese game show you can imagine.
The opening scene with the zipper accident is a perfect snapshot of everything that's wrong with the
movie: Our protagonist maims himself in a deeply painful and humiliating way. HA HA! Let's get
some people to check out his ball injury! And then more people! And more! Can we stretch out the
gag more -- yes we can! But we probably don't need to actually sho-- OOOHHH!!!
Between that scene and every scene where that leathery lady made out with her dog (and you know
how I feel about dogs), I spent more time hiding my face during this film than any horror movie I can
think of.
Yet everyone in the theater was laughing their asses off. By the end credits, I felt like I was on crazy
pills. It made me wish I'd seen the film on a Friday night, where everyone in my audience would
have been home watching an hour of shots to the nuts on "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Now this one, my #1 Movie I Hate That Everyone Else Loves? Might break the Internet.
movie: Our protagonist maims himself in a deeply painful and humiliating way. HA HA! Let's get
some people to check out his ball injury! And then more people! And more! Can we stretch out the
gag more -- yes we can! But we probably don't need to actually sho-- OOOHHH!!!
Between that scene and every scene where that leathery lady made out with her dog (and you know
how I feel about dogs), I spent more time hiding my face during this film than any horror movie I can
think of.
Yet everyone in the theater was laughing their asses off. By the end credits, I felt like I was on crazy
pills. It made me wish I'd seen the film on a Friday night, where everyone in my audience would
have been home watching an hour of shots to the nuts on "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Now this one, my #1 Movie I Hate That Everyone Else Loves? Might break the Internet.
#1: OLDBOY (2003)
The Love: Won the Grad Prix at 2004 Cannes Film Festival...
82% Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes
and 94% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community...
Voted one of the 10 best Asian films ever made on CNN poll.
Why I Hate It: I want to clarify that I actually loved about 80% of
this movie. Right up until the climax, Oldboy is all that and a
bag of chips.
But man, did the climax piss me off.
[There be SPOILERS ahead] I was okay with the twist
involving Dae-su and Mi-do, particularly because it made the
antagonist, Woo-jin, even more of an evil bastard. That
should have put Dae-su over the top and into a murderous
berserker rage, right? Right??
The Love: Won the Grad Prix at 2004 Cannes Film Festival...
82% Freshness from the T-Meter critics at Rotten Tomatoes
and 94% Freshness from the Rotten Tomatoes community...
Voted one of the 10 best Asian films ever made on CNN poll.
Why I Hate It: I want to clarify that I actually loved about 80% of
this movie. Right up until the climax, Oldboy is all that and a
bag of chips.
But man, did the climax piss me off.
[There be SPOILERS ahead] I was okay with the twist
involving Dae-su and Mi-do, particularly because it made the
antagonist, Woo-jin, even more of an evil bastard. That
should have put Dae-su over the top and into a murderous
berserker rage, right? Right??
NO!!! He throws himself at the villain's feet, crying and blubbering and begging for forgiveness.
What the hell kind of revenge flick is this? Where's the righteous two-fisted justice? Where's the
catharsis?
Nowhere is where. This film left me with cinematic blue balls.
It made me wish that 90 minutes into the film, someone had imprisoned me in a hotel room for 15
years.
You have a beef with Nolahn's... er, beefs? Let's hear it:
What the hell kind of revenge flick is this? Where's the righteous two-fisted justice? Where's the
catharsis?
Nowhere is where. This film left me with cinematic blue balls.
It made me wish that 90 minutes into the film, someone had imprisoned me in a hotel room for 15
years.
You have a beef with Nolahn's... er, beefs? Let's hear it: