FEAR FACTORS
The Top Six Things that Make Nolahn Want to Wet 'Em.
The Top Six Things that Make Nolahn Want to Wet 'Em.
3) WATCHING SOMEONE GET A SHAVE WITH A STRAIGHT RAZOR
Some of you gents out there might see this picture and think back to a simpler time... a time where
if you wanted a manly haircut at affordable prices, you didn't have to go some cheesy chain called
SuperScissors or CheapChop or some such that would require you to wear a hat for the next two
weeks... a time where you'd actually hang out in the barbershop, reading the paper and talking
about boxing.
Me? All I see is that this guy is an itchy nose away from having his throat slashed open.
if you wanted a manly haircut at affordable prices, you didn't have to go some cheesy chain called
SuperScissors or CheapChop or some such that would require you to wear a hat for the next two
weeks... a time where you'd actually hang out in the barbershop, reading the paper and talking
about boxing.
Me? All I see is that this guy is an itchy nose away from having his throat slashed open.
2) THAT CRAZY GOD
WARRIOR LADY FROM
"TRADING SPOUSES"
You might think that FOX's "Trading
Spouses" would be sufficiently scary on
its own merit, but that would be because
you hadn't seen the Crazy God Warrior
Lady. This is the kind of thing you need
to experience for yourself:
WARRIOR LADY FROM
"TRADING SPOUSES"
You might think that FOX's "Trading
Spouses" would be sufficiently scary on
its own merit, but that would be because
you hadn't seen the Crazy God Warrior
Lady. This is the kind of thing you need
to experience for yourself:
See? She's like the bogeyma-- eh, bogeywoman of the Culture Wars. And because she was
on television, some small part of me believes that every other Christian Conservative in the
Mid-West is exactly like this woman. If that's what it takes to be part of the Real America, then
thanks, but I'm going to stay here in Fake America.
And if that makes me an elitist, then hand me the keys to my Volvo cuz I need to make a latte
run. Also, go Obama!
on television, some small part of me believes that every other Christian Conservative in the
Mid-West is exactly like this woman. If that's what it takes to be part of the Real America, then
thanks, but I'm going to stay here in Fake America.
And if that makes me an elitist, then hand me the keys to my Volvo cuz I need to make a latte
run. Also, go Obama!
1) COTTAGE CHEESE
I cannot think of a more vile or mind-boggling substance in the
natural world. Simply put: This stuff freaks me out.
Seriously, I can only imagine that cottage cheese came to be as
part of a bet: It looks like curdled milk and has the consistency of
snot. Who wants to eat that?
Yes, I know it's supposed to be good for you. And I don't care. I
just read that Beyonce dropped a bunch of weight by going on a
steady diet of lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper, but
I'm not about to try that, either.
I cannot think of a more vile or mind-boggling substance in the
natural world. Simply put: This stuff freaks me out.
Seriously, I can only imagine that cottage cheese came to be as
part of a bet: It looks like curdled milk and has the consistency of
snot. Who wants to eat that?
Yes, I know it's supposed to be good for you. And I don't care. I
just read that Beyonce dropped a bunch of weight by going on a
steady diet of lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper, but
I'm not about to try that, either.
Stare deeply into the into the heart of my darkest fears... If you dare!
| A Spoonful of Terror. |
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