BARGAIN BIN REVIEW
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Reviewing the movies
no one else will touch.
no one else will touch.
(more of) WHAT WE
DO FOR "LOVE"
And by "love," I mean "piece of tail."
Go BACK to the beginning of the article here.
DO FOR "LOVE"
And by "love," I mean "piece of tail."
Go BACK to the beginning of the article here.
3) WAGE WAR
As seen in: Troy, Cleopatra, Braveheart, Rob Roy, Robin Hood, Beowulf, Mad Max, Team
America: World Police, Shaun of the Dead
As seen in: Troy, Cleopatra, Braveheart, Rob Roy, Robin Hood, Beowulf, Mad Max, Team
America: World Police, Shaun of the Dead
I don't know what it is -- maybe it's
all the pent-up sexual frustration or
simply snapping from all the
endless humiliation -- but men
have been willing to face
insurmountable odds and put a
beating to legions of murderous
hooligans, terrorists and zombies if
they knew there's a scantly-clad
CGI Angelina Jolie at the end of it
all.
Hell, in the Trojan War, Sparta and
Troy went to war over the fact that
all the pent-up sexual frustration or
simply snapping from all the
endless humiliation -- but men
have been willing to face
insurmountable odds and put a
beating to legions of murderous
hooligans, terrorists and zombies if
they knew there's a scantly-clad
CGI Angelina Jolie at the end of it
all.
Hell, in the Trojan War, Sparta and
Troy went to war over the fact that
| In Braveheart, Mel Gibson plays a Scottish soccer (or "futbol") fan who deals with the death of his beloved by waging war on the entirety of England. |
everyone wanted to bang Helen of Troy. And according to my meticulous research (i.e.,
scanning Wikipedia), that war lasted 10 years. Ten years for a piece of tail. How's that for
determination?
Lesson Learned: Sometimes, the quickest way into a lady's pants is through an entire nation of
baddies.
scanning Wikipedia), that war lasted 10 years. Ten years for a piece of tail. How's that for
determination?
Lesson Learned: Sometimes, the quickest way into a lady's pants is through an entire nation of
baddies.
2) PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE
As seen in: The New Guy, Can't Buy Me Love, Fletch, Spies Like Us,
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Wedding Crashers, A Knight's Tale,
The Mask, Hitch, The Taming of the Shrew, Zorro
Let's face it: You're cooler than most simply on the merit that you visit
The 'Bin, but you could always be even cooler (unless you just
happen to be The Fonz). And what could be better than being
yourself than being a more impressive version of yourself?
But as we learned in -- I kid you not -- Every. Single. Episode. Of
Perfect Strangers, you're not really a famous
surgeon/Olympic-calibre skiier/crippled navy vet/professional
basketball player, and she's gonna that out sooner or later... but not
before hilarity ensues!
As seen in: The New Guy, Can't Buy Me Love, Fletch, Spies Like Us,
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Wedding Crashers, A Knight's Tale,
The Mask, Hitch, The Taming of the Shrew, Zorro
Let's face it: You're cooler than most simply on the merit that you visit
The 'Bin, but you could always be even cooler (unless you just
happen to be The Fonz). And what could be better than being
yourself than being a more impressive version of yourself?
But as we learned in -- I kid you not -- Every. Single. Episode. Of
Perfect Strangers, you're not really a famous
surgeon/Olympic-calibre skiier/crippled navy vet/professional
basketball player, and she's gonna that out sooner or later... but not
before hilarity ensues!
Lesson Learned: Until your ruse is uncovered, prepare to do the Dance of Joy.
And now, the Bargain Bin Review's #1 Thing Done in the Movies For "Love"...
And now, the Bargain Bin Review's #1 Thing Done in the Movies For "Love"...
1) TURN BACK FROM WOLF-FORM TO HUMAN-FORM JUST
BEFORE THE BIG GAME, THUS JEOPARDISING THE
OUTCOME OF THE CONTEST
As seen in: Teen Wolf. And probably in Teen Wolf, Too, which I've never seen.
BEFORE THE BIG GAME, THUS JEOPARDISING THE
OUTCOME OF THE CONTEST
As seen in: Teen Wolf. And probably in Teen Wolf, Too, which I've never seen.
I guess this could've fallen under Pretend To Be Someone Else,
but the Michael J. Fox character really was a werewolf. No, I'm looking
at the end of the movie, where Scott Howard realizes that the bitchy hot
chick is, in fact, a bitch, and his tomboyish BFF is in fact the smokin' hot
Girl Next Door that has been the inspiration of so many letters to
Penthouse Forum over the years. So what does he do to win (back) the
heart of his true love? He refuses to wolf-out right before The Big
Game.
How selfish.
Dude, it's The Big Game! The reputation of the entire school hangs in
the balance! The only reason the team made it this far was because of
the super wolf powers! I'm surprised the rest of the team didn't kick his
Alex P. Keaton ass. Seriously: Who would you rather have on your
basketball team, a werewolf with super speed, super strength, super
agility and super wolf jumping powers... or 4-foot-4 Michael J. Fox?
Couldn't he just wolf-out, win The Big Game and then find a way to win
back the Girl Next Door? Apparently not.
Lesson Learned: Some guys will throw it all away -- friends, honor,
reputation, etc. -- for just a little bit of "love."
Oh, and rampant body hair is damn sexy.
but the Michael J. Fox character really was a werewolf. No, I'm looking
at the end of the movie, where Scott Howard realizes that the bitchy hot
chick is, in fact, a bitch, and his tomboyish BFF is in fact the smokin' hot
Girl Next Door that has been the inspiration of so many letters to
Penthouse Forum over the years. So what does he do to win (back) the
heart of his true love? He refuses to wolf-out right before The Big
Game.
How selfish.
Dude, it's The Big Game! The reputation of the entire school hangs in
the balance! The only reason the team made it this far was because of
the super wolf powers! I'm surprised the rest of the team didn't kick his
Alex P. Keaton ass. Seriously: Who would you rather have on your
basketball team, a werewolf with super speed, super strength, super
agility and super wolf jumping powers... or 4-foot-4 Michael J. Fox?
Couldn't he just wolf-out, win The Big Game and then find a way to win
back the Girl Next Door? Apparently not.
Lesson Learned: Some guys will throw it all away -- friends, honor,
reputation, etc. -- for just a little bit of "love."
Oh, and rampant body hair is damn sexy.
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| COMMENTS Have something to add? Tell us about it here. JoeD says: Could not agree with you more on Teen Wolf, my friend. I may need to write at length about that. So very true. I like this week's post so much I posted a link to the top 5 things on my site. Great idea to take on a topic like this every once in a while. Nolahn says: Thank you!! |