BARGAIN BIN REVIEW
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Reviewing the movies
no one else will touch.
no one else will touch.
WHAT WE DO FOR "LOVE"
MOVIE EDITION! And by "love," I mean "piece of tail."
Listen my friends to this tale of woe, of the rise and fall of a New York Lothario... In case you've
been in a coma, the gentleman pictured above is the former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer.
As New York's Attorney General, Spitzer fought organized crime, broke up prostitution rings and
cracked down on corporate corruption. His crime-fighting launched Spitzer into the governorship...
and his dong lost him the position just over a year later. Turns out, he didn't break up all of the
prostitution rings.
Naturally, the mainstream media just couldn't get its head around how a powerful, up-and-coming
politician could risk it all by stepping out on his wife with a high-priced prostitute. Obviously, he did
it for "love." And if you're not sure what I mean by "love," allow Bill Maher to clear it up for you. Or
just read the subtitle of this article, brainiac.
Of course, the Spitzer scandal isn't the only instance of going to great lengths to get some lovin'.
There are plenty -- and I mean PLENTY -- of examples in the movies. As a special service to you,
here are the Top Five Things That Have Been Done In Movies For "Love":
MOVIE EDITION! And by "love," I mean "piece of tail."
Listen my friends to this tale of woe, of the rise and fall of a New York Lothario... In case you've
been in a coma, the gentleman pictured above is the former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer.
As New York's Attorney General, Spitzer fought organized crime, broke up prostitution rings and
cracked down on corporate corruption. His crime-fighting launched Spitzer into the governorship...
and his dong lost him the position just over a year later. Turns out, he didn't break up all of the
prostitution rings.
Naturally, the mainstream media just couldn't get its head around how a powerful, up-and-coming
politician could risk it all by stepping out on his wife with a high-priced prostitute. Obviously, he did
it for "love." And if you're not sure what I mean by "love," allow Bill Maher to clear it up for you. Or
just read the subtitle of this article, brainiac.
Of course, the Spitzer scandal isn't the only instance of going to great lengths to get some lovin'.
There are plenty -- and I mean PLENTY -- of examples in the movies. As a special service to you,
here are the Top Five Things That Have Been Done In Movies For "Love":
| While it may be true that money Can't Buy Me Love, it can buy you a roll in the hay. |
5) BUY IT / OWN IT
As seen in: Can't Buy Me Love, Pretty Woman,
Superbad, Indecent Proposal, Weird Science
Hey, it's not the World's Oldest Profession for
nothing. Whether it's $3,000 for the week or $1M
for the night (talk about inflation!), buying
influence with alcohol or staking a claim via
intellectual property rights, it's all about the
invisible hand of the free market digging deeply
into its pants pocket and... well, no need to go
there. Yes, there's always a lesson about the
virtues of real, air-quote free love. But until
then... hello, Sexy Time!
Lesson Learned: Greed is good.
As seen in: Can't Buy Me Love, Pretty Woman,
Superbad, Indecent Proposal, Weird Science
Hey, it's not the World's Oldest Profession for
nothing. Whether it's $3,000 for the week or $1M
for the night (talk about inflation!), buying
influence with alcohol or staking a claim via
intellectual property rights, it's all about the
invisible hand of the free market digging deeply
into its pants pocket and... well, no need to go
there. Yes, there's always a lesson about the
virtues of real, air-quote free love. But until
then... hello, Sexy Time!
Lesson Learned: Greed is good.
4) SUFFER ENDLESS
HUMILIATION
As seen in: There's Something About Mary, Sixteen
Candles, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Swingers, Dumb and
Dumber, Old School, American Pie
The quest for hot lovin' rarely goes smoothly.
Besides the infinite number of ways one can crash
and burn while prowling the singles scene, there's
always the chance that you'll be trapped under a
glass coffeetable, be given explosive diarrhea, have
your chest hair ripped out or accidentally hook up
with your boss's teenage daughter.
HUMILIATION
As seen in: There's Something About Mary, Sixteen
Candles, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Swingers, Dumb and
Dumber, Old School, American Pie
The quest for hot lovin' rarely goes smoothly.
Besides the infinite number of ways one can crash
and burn while prowling the singles scene, there's
always the chance that you'll be trapped under a
glass coffeetable, be given explosive diarrhea, have
your chest hair ripped out or accidentally hook up
with your boss's teenage daughter.
| Scenes like this and just about everything in There's Something About Mary are reminders that sometimes comedies are the scariest movies of all. |
And I haven't even mentioned anything from the horror show that is There's Something About Mary.
After the opening scene, you know the one... with the (*shudder*) zipper, I watched that movie with my
face buried in my hands until Brett Fahve-ray showed up.
Lesson Learned: Brett Favre makes everything better.
War, HOO! Good God, y'all! What is it good for? Find out as our list continues.
After the opening scene, you know the one... with the (*shudder*) zipper, I watched that movie with my
face buried in my hands until Brett Fahve-ray showed up.
Lesson Learned: Brett Favre makes everything better.
War, HOO! Good God, y'all! What is it good for? Find out as our list continues.
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