BARGAIN BIN REVIEW
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Reviewing the movies
no one else will touch.
no one else will touch.
CROSSROADS
* (2002, 93 minutes, Rated pg-13)
I didn't make him review this movie, I swear. -- Nolahn
By TonyD. I decided to review Crossroads for two reasons: One, because who doesn't want to
see a Britney Spears rant? And also because I heard today over the radio that Spears had a court
hearing that only lasted ten minutes because she never showed up. What do I like more than
people I hate falling on their faces? CELEBRITIES I HATE FALLING ON THEIR FACES! I don't
believe in karma, but I sure as hell believe that payback's a bitch.
You're probably wondering why I hate Britney Spears so much. A quick story: Back when I was
about six or seven, Spears released her first single, "...Baby One More Time" ("Six or seven"?!?
Damn, I'm older than dirt. - Nolahn). Everyone -- and I mean EVERYONE -- listened to this song.
Everyone except me. I went to Best Buy one day and it was on. It was on the radio 25/7. Even
the next-door neighbor, who would blast Metallica and death metal all day, shrieked the chorus.
And then she became bigger. Songs like "Oops I Did It Again" were made into spoofs such as this
one. Then she began releasing more singles. When announcing that she was starring in a
feature film, hell broke loose. I punched myself in the gut to make sure I wasn't dreaming. You
know I just HAD to see it. I saw it... and oh boy, did it blow. It blew more than a crippled hooker.
What's so special about this Britney Spears vehicle? If you answered "nothing," not only are you
correct, but you're so correct that I don't even have to bribe you to give that answer. Crossroads is
boring, tiring and will give you menstrual cramps for the rest of the month, men or women no less.
It sucks. End of story.
A good friend of mine wanted to read my take on Crossroads. Of course, that meant I had to
watch this sack of shit again. Let's just get this over with.
1 NEXT
* (2002, 93 minutes, Rated pg-13)
I didn't make him review this movie, I swear. -- Nolahn
By TonyD. I decided to review Crossroads for two reasons: One, because who doesn't want to
see a Britney Spears rant? And also because I heard today over the radio that Spears had a court
hearing that only lasted ten minutes because she never showed up. What do I like more than
people I hate falling on their faces? CELEBRITIES I HATE FALLING ON THEIR FACES! I don't
believe in karma, but I sure as hell believe that payback's a bitch.
You're probably wondering why I hate Britney Spears so much. A quick story: Back when I was
about six or seven, Spears released her first single, "...Baby One More Time" ("Six or seven"?!?
Damn, I'm older than dirt. - Nolahn). Everyone -- and I mean EVERYONE -- listened to this song.
Everyone except me. I went to Best Buy one day and it was on. It was on the radio 25/7. Even
the next-door neighbor, who would blast Metallica and death metal all day, shrieked the chorus.
And then she became bigger. Songs like "Oops I Did It Again" were made into spoofs such as this
one. Then she began releasing more singles. When announcing that she was starring in a
feature film, hell broke loose. I punched myself in the gut to make sure I wasn't dreaming. You
know I just HAD to see it. I saw it... and oh boy, did it blow. It blew more than a crippled hooker.
What's so special about this Britney Spears vehicle? If you answered "nothing," not only are you
correct, but you're so correct that I don't even have to bribe you to give that answer. Crossroads is
boring, tiring and will give you menstrual cramps for the rest of the month, men or women no less.
It sucks. End of story.
A good friend of mine wanted to read my take on Crossroads. Of course, that meant I had to
watch this sack of shit again. Let's just get this over with.
1 NEXT
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