THE 2009 BINNIE AWARDS
Celebrating a full year of crap.
All month long, votes have been pouring in from all around the world. The big question on
everyone's lips is, "Who's the Binniest of them all?"
Well pop the champaign, cuz it's time to reveal the winners of the 2009 Binnie Awards! All the
glamour without any of the bloated, self-indulgent musical numbers.
You're welcome.
Celebrating a full year of crap.
All month long, votes have been pouring in from all around the world. The big question on
everyone's lips is, "Who's the Binniest of them all?"
Well pop the champaign, cuz it's time to reveal the winners of the 2009 Binnie Awards! All the
glamour without any of the bloated, self-indulgent musical numbers.
You're welcome.
WINNER: ZOMBIE STRIPPERS
Some things are just perfect together.
Peanut butter and jelly. Lenny and Squiggy.
Sex and Jell-O.
Now you can add "strippers and zombies"
to the list. Because separately, they're
cool... together, they're awesome.
Some things are just perfect together.
Peanut butter and jelly. Lenny and Squiggy.
Sex and Jell-O.
Now you can add "strippers and zombies"
to the list. Because separately, they're
cool... together, they're awesome.
WINNER:
THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN
VAMPIYAZ gave our winner a run for its
money, but at the end of the day, can
you really improve on Dracula
overseeing a gang of guys in skeleton
costumes and being in the employ of
The Godfather? Probably not.
THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN
VAMPIYAZ gave our winner a run for its
money, but at the end of the day, can
you really improve on Dracula
overseeing a gang of guys in skeleton
costumes and being in the employ of
The Godfather? Probably not.
WINNER: KILL SWITCH and BIOZOMBIE (TIE)
In a night of firsts... Another first! Apparently, the masses just
couldn't decide between the random mid-fight mumblings of Steven
Seagal and the random mid-movie gibberish that was the "Engrish
Subtitles" running throughout BIOZOMBIE. Both are equally absurd
and equally deserving of the Binnie.
In a night of firsts... Another first! Apparently, the masses just
couldn't decide between the random mid-fight mumblings of Steven
Seagal and the random mid-movie gibberish that was the "Engrish
Subtitles" running throughout BIOZOMBIE. Both are equally absurd
and equally deserving of the Binnie.
WINNER: MOSQUITO MAN
"Mouth boner." Heh heh.
"Mouth boner." Heh heh.
WINNER: STAR WARS II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES
On some level, you have to feel for the guy: Ewan McGregor and Natalie
Portman are both excellent actors, yet their performances in these
movies won't make their highlight reels either. In a way, this is as
much George Lucas's fault as it is hi...
Aw, screw it. Christensen was pretty damn terrible.
On some level, you have to feel for the guy: Ewan McGregor and Natalie
Portman are both excellent actors, yet their performances in these
movies won't make their highlight reels either. In a way, this is as
much George Lucas's fault as it is hi...
Aw, screw it. Christensen was pretty damn terrible.
WINNER: DAVID HASSELHOFF
Both Coolio and Shannon Tweed had
respectable showings, but how can you top
the Hoff? The man is 100% cheese, and you
can look forward to celebrating the works of
the Patron Saint of the Bargain Bin Review
throughout 2009.
Both Coolio and Shannon Tweed had
respectable showings, but how can you top
the Hoff? The man is 100% cheese, and you
can look forward to celebrating the works of
the Patron Saint of the Bargain Bin Review
throughout 2009.
| The Hoff, enjoying a victory hamburger. |
WINNER: DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS
What more can be said about this movie? It's about a
possessed bed that literally eats people.
We'd love to say that we can pay tribute to this film by reviewing
other films about demonic furniture... We just doubt they exist.
What more can be said about this movie? It's about a
possessed bed that literally eats people.
We'd love to say that we can pay tribute to this film by reviewing
other films about demonic furniture... We just doubt they exist.
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