ZOMBIE STRIPPERS
* * * * (2008, 94 minutes, Unrated)
It's simple math.
The idea of a zombie film as social commentary is nothing new: It's no mistake that Dawn of the
Dead is set in a mall; hell, even Shaun of the Dead has plenty to say about British society. The
thing is, just because I review obviously bad, direct-to-DVD movies doesn't mean I need my social
commentary to have all the subtlety of a kick in the crotch.
* * * * (2008, 94 minutes, Unrated)
It's simple math.
The idea of a zombie film as social commentary is nothing new: It's no mistake that Dawn of the
Dead is set in a mall; hell, even Shaun of the Dead has plenty to say about British society. The
thing is, just because I review obviously bad, direct-to-DVD movies doesn't mean I need my social
commentary to have all the subtlety of a kick in the crotch.
Set "In the near future," the film kicks off with the
announcement that George W. Bush has just won his
fourth consecutive term as President of the United States,
making this already the scariest film I've seen in years.
Turns out that ol' Dubya has spread our troops out so thin
-- in such places as Iraq, Iran, France and Canada, heh
heh heh -- that the country began developing a way to
reanimate dead tissue to help boost our troop numbers. If
you think that sounds like a recipe for disaster, then you'll
be glad to know that "the research facilities are
unequivocally in accordance with the U.S. government's
level of standard fail-safes."
Cut to zombie mayhem in a chemical facility.
See, I told you this wouldn't be subtle.
announcement that George W. Bush has just won his
fourth consecutive term as President of the United States,
making this already the scariest film I've seen in years.
Turns out that ol' Dubya has spread our troops out so thin
-- in such places as Iraq, Iran, France and Canada, heh
heh heh -- that the country began developing a way to
reanimate dead tissue to help boost our troop numbers. If
you think that sounds like a recipe for disaster, then you'll
be glad to know that "the research facilities are
unequivocally in accordance with the U.S. government's
level of standard fail-safes."
Cut to zombie mayhem in a chemical facility.
See, I told you this wouldn't be subtle.
| The Bush Era Good for zombie movies, bad for just about everything else. |
Enter the roughnecks assigned to take out the zombies. They're also the unintentional comic relief
of the movie -- their acting makes the performances in The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Oscar-worthy. You can imagine where things go from here: The roughnecks engage the zombies in
what looks like a laser tag court, ditch their armor five minutes in... yada, yada, yada, things go
wrong and a bitten roughneck goes AWOL and stumbles into a (now illegal in the film) strip club.
Where Jenna Jameson is stripping. Naturally.
of the movie -- their acting makes the performances in The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Oscar-worthy. You can imagine where things go from here: The roughnecks engage the zombies in
what looks like a laser tag court, ditch their armor five minutes in... yada, yada, yada, things go
wrong and a bitten roughneck goes AWOL and stumbles into a (now illegal in the film) strip club.
Where Jenna Jameson is stripping. Naturally.
| FUN FACT: Jenna Jameson (above) hasn't worn pants since 1994. |
You might know Jenna Jameson as Girl
Deep-Throating Sausage in Howard Stern's
Private Parts. You might also know Jenna
Jameson from her other films, but that's between
you and your clergy.
After Ms. Jameson shows off her pole-dancing
skills, we go backstage to meet all the stock
characters: The Bitch, The Goth Chick, The
Bitch's Lackey, The Eastern European Former
Stirpper/Chain-Smoking Boss, The Mexican
Janitor, The New Girl and her Waiting 'Til
Marriage Boyfriend... you get the idea. Actual
names aren't important.
It's just a matter of time before the zombie
roughneck takes a bite out of Jenna Jameson,
and here's where things get wacky: True
professional that she is, Jenna promptly rises
from the dead and gives the pole dance of a
lifetime.
See, it turns out that this particular strain of
zombieism has a different effect on men than
women. While men become your standard
brainless shuffling undead, women retain most
Deep-Throating Sausage in Howard Stern's
Private Parts. You might also know Jenna
Jameson from her other films, but that's between
you and your clergy.
After Ms. Jameson shows off her pole-dancing
skills, we go backstage to meet all the stock
characters: The Bitch, The Goth Chick, The
Bitch's Lackey, The Eastern European Former
Stirpper/Chain-Smoking Boss, The Mexican
Janitor, The New Girl and her Waiting 'Til
Marriage Boyfriend... you get the idea. Actual
names aren't important.
It's just a matter of time before the zombie
roughneck takes a bite out of Jenna Jameson,
and here's where things get wacky: True
professional that she is, Jenna promptly rises
from the dead and gives the pole dance of a
lifetime.
See, it turns out that this particular strain of
zombieism has a different effect on men than
women. While men become your standard
brainless shuffling undead, women retain most
of their mental capacities. Oh sure, the ladies are still rotting corpses that hunger for brains, but
they can still talk and think and act on their more primal instincts, which tend to include super
pole-dancing powers... which Robert Englund's germophobic club owner is all-too happy to
monetize.
I'm sure there's a heap more social commentary in there. I just can't be bothered to sort it out.
they can still talk and think and act on their more primal instincts, which tend to include super
pole-dancing powers... which Robert Englund's germophobic club owner is all-too happy to
monetize.
I'm sure there's a heap more social commentary in there. I just can't be bothered to sort it out.
And it doesn't end there. The zombie strippers (or stripper
zombies, take your pick) become very popular, with crowds of
guys packing the club and the other mere mortal strippers
feeling pressured to become zombified just to keep up.
This whole portion of the film was mind-boggling to me. Sadly,
an undead Jenna Jameson is still much sexier than most of
the strippers I've seen in my day, but I don't think I could get
around the fact that she's a decomposing corpse. Perhaps my
standards are too high.
I gotta be honest, this isn't a very good movie. The acting is
lousy, with the exception of the awesome Robert Englund and,
believe it or not, Jenna Jameson (seriously, she's like freakin'
Meryl Streep compared to the roughnecks); the gore is weak
for a zombie movie; many of the gags are duds and the film
isn't half as clever as it thinks it is.
So why four asterisks? Easy:
Zombies + Boobies = Awesome
It's simple math.
zombies, take your pick) become very popular, with crowds of
guys packing the club and the other mere mortal strippers
feeling pressured to become zombified just to keep up.
This whole portion of the film was mind-boggling to me. Sadly,
an undead Jenna Jameson is still much sexier than most of
the strippers I've seen in my day, but I don't think I could get
around the fact that she's a decomposing corpse. Perhaps my
standards are too high.
I gotta be honest, this isn't a very good movie. The acting is
lousy, with the exception of the awesome Robert Englund and,
believe it or not, Jenna Jameson (seriously, she's like freakin'
Meryl Streep compared to the roughnecks); the gore is weak
for a zombie movie; many of the gags are duds and the film
isn't half as clever as it thinks it is.
So why four asterisks? Easy:
Zombies + Boobies = Awesome
It's simple math.
Looking for a second opinion? Or even a third? You have lots to choose from: Check out reviews
of Zombie Strippers from such Fellow Movie Sites as Fred [The Wolf], The Bad Movie Guy, Fatally
Yours and TonyD's Film Arcade, which also features an interview with director Jay Lee.
of Zombie Strippers from such Fellow Movie Sites as Fred [The Wolf], The Bad Movie Guy, Fatally
Yours and TonyD's Film Arcade, which also features an interview with director Jay Lee.
| '09 Binnie Winner! |
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