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WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD
* * * (1983, 92 minutes, Rated R)
Have annoying talking motorcycle, will travel.
I'm reviewing this film as part of my "Giving thanks for 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'" month,
which is why I must mention that this episode features the best invention exchange I've ever seen
on the show. The Mads' "Square Master" is funny, but Joel and the 'Bots "Bitter Sweethearts" is
genius: heart-shaped antacids with sayings to help adults express those hard-to-say things. I'll let
you decide which one (all from the show) you think is best.
* * * (1983, 92 minutes, Rated R)
Have annoying talking motorcycle, will travel.
I'm reviewing this film as part of my "Giving thanks for 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'" month,
which is why I must mention that this episode features the best invention exchange I've ever seen
on the show. The Mads' "Square Master" is funny, but Joel and the 'Bots "Bitter Sweethearts" is
genius: heart-shaped antacids with sayings to help adults express those hard-to-say things. I'll let
you decide which one (all from the show) you think is best.
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Warrior of the Lost World starts with scrolling text, as all post-Star
Wars science fiction yarns must. What sets this scroll apart are
all of the extra exclamation points:
"The Earth is in ruins!! All governments have collapsed!!"
Informative!!
Our hero makes his entrance with a long, long, long shot of him
riding his motorcycle through the humidity. The motorcycle talks
in chirpy fragments which I think are meant to be cute but are just
strange... Particularly when a bleep is accompanied on the
motorcycle's screen with a Closed Captioned "BLEEP."
Wars science fiction yarns must. What sets this scroll apart are
all of the extra exclamation points:
"The Earth is in ruins!! All governments have collapsed!!"
Informative!!
Our hero makes his entrance with a long, long, long shot of him
riding his motorcycle through the humidity. The motorcycle talks
in chirpy fragments which I think are meant to be cute but are just
strange... Particularly when a bleep is accompanied on the
motorcycle's screen with a Closed Captioned "BLEEP."
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| Not pictured: The motorcycle's Closed Captioning of "Vroom! Vroom!" |
This nameless Warrior of the Lost World -- he's credited as "The Rider," but let's just call him Ned --
blows past a speed trap (I think), leading to a pointless chase scene. Ned pushes his talking
motorcycle to "maximum velocity" and then 'ultimate velocity," just so you know the chase is very
exciting. After escaping "Bad Mothers," "Very Bad Mothers" and "Dorks," Ned randomly drives into
the side of a cliff and is shocked to discover he's found a secret resistance base.
The resistance group is led by blaxploitation superstar Fred Williamson and a bunch of old guys in
togas. Make of that what you will. They explain to Ned that he’s The Chosen One, and by that, they
don’t mean “the one who has to rescue The Golden Child” but "the guy we've drafted to save our
leader from a public execution." Since the resistance leader is also the father of the Resident Hottie
(the bald chick from the original Star Trek movie), Ned is on the case.
blows past a speed trap (I think), leading to a pointless chase scene. Ned pushes his talking
motorcycle to "maximum velocity" and then 'ultimate velocity," just so you know the chase is very
exciting. After escaping "Bad Mothers," "Very Bad Mothers" and "Dorks," Ned randomly drives into
the side of a cliff and is shocked to discover he's found a secret resistance base.
The resistance group is led by blaxploitation superstar Fred Williamson and a bunch of old guys in
togas. Make of that what you will. They explain to Ned that he’s The Chosen One, and by that, they
don’t mean “the one who has to rescue The Golden Child” but "the guy we've drafted to save our
leader from a public execution." Since the resistance leader is also the father of the Resident Hottie
(the bald chick from the original Star Trek movie), Ned is on the case.
| Bald chicks are quite common in a post-apocalyptic world. |
The big rescue includes sneaking into a pseudo S&M
club and dodging Nazi-esque guards that seem to be
posted in the most random places. Ned and the
Resident Hottie succeed in grabbing her dad, but the
Resident Hottie trips two feet in front of the escape
helicopter and Ned takes off without her. Whoops. As a
result, she spends most of the movie being tortured by
Donald Pleasance (Dr. Loomis in the Halloween films) in
full ham mode.
It's up to Ned to rescue the Resident Hottie (who he,
ahem, totally abandoned), and to do so, he has to
partake in a big brawl consisting of a grab bag of
characters: a pair of rednecks, a pair of karate guys, a
pair of soldiers, etc. I’m sure there was a very good
reason why -- Ned spends most of the movie mumbling
incoherently. But he wins the big brawl, and this
somehow unites everyone in battle against
MEGAWEAPON.
club and dodging Nazi-esque guards that seem to be
posted in the most random places. Ned and the
Resident Hottie succeed in grabbing her dad, but the
Resident Hottie trips two feet in front of the escape
helicopter and Ned takes off without her. Whoops. As a
result, she spends most of the movie being tortured by
Donald Pleasance (Dr. Loomis in the Halloween films) in
full ham mode.
It's up to Ned to rescue the Resident Hottie (who he,
ahem, totally abandoned), and to do so, he has to
partake in a big brawl consisting of a grab bag of
characters: a pair of rednecks, a pair of karate guys, a
pair of soldiers, etc. I’m sure there was a very good
reason why -- Ned spends most of the movie mumbling
incoherently. But he wins the big brawl, and this
somehow unites everyone in battle against
MEGAWEAPON.
MEGAWEAPON is the villain’s major weapon. MEGAWEAPON is a giant truck with spikes on its grill
and a flamethrower with a range of at least three or four feet.
In other words, MEGAWEAPON is no where near as intimidating as its supposed to be.
and a flamethrower with a range of at least three or four feet.
In other words, MEGAWEAPON is no where near as intimidating as its supposed to be.
| MEGAWEAPON The must-have gift this holiday season. |
In the high point of the film, Ned takes the concept of throwing someone under the bus to a new
level when he sacrifices his talking bike in order to take out MEGAWEAPON. I (along with Joel and
the 'Bots) cheered heartily. Makes me wonder what Jar Jar Binks could have been thrown under...
I have to appreciate the audacity of Warrior of the Lost World -- the filmmakers clearly thought they
were making the next Star Wars. The film even sets itself up for a string of sequels. That thought
gave me the biggest laugh of the night.
Looking for a second opinion on this film? May we recommend...
BadMovies.org
Cold Fusion Reviews
Invasion of the B-Movies
level when he sacrifices his talking bike in order to take out MEGAWEAPON. I (along with Joel and
the 'Bots) cheered heartily. Makes me wonder what Jar Jar Binks could have been thrown under...
I have to appreciate the audacity of Warrior of the Lost World -- the filmmakers clearly thought they
were making the next Star Wars. The film even sets itself up for a string of sequels. That thought
gave me the biggest laugh of the night.
Looking for a second opinion on this film? May we recommend...
BadMovies.org
Cold Fusion Reviews
Invasion of the B-Movies