BARGAIN BIN REVIEW
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Reviewing the movies
no one else will touch.
no one else will touch.
WARNING FROM SPACE
* (1956, 87 min. Unrated)
That I found this movie on a compilation DVD should be warning enough.
I know what you're thinking: One asterisk? For a movie with a giant starfish monster on the
cover? Well, it turns out that giantness of the starfish creature was juuuuuust a bit of an
exaggeration, a marketing ploy by Daiei to cash in on the popularity of Toho's moneymaker.
On the flip side, this might be the first film I've reviewed truly worthy of the title "bargain bin," as
this DVD was found in Target's one-dollar rack. With three other movies on the same disc.
After the world's hastiest opening credits, we're told by an alien race that "the Earthlings must be
stopped" and "warned to stop their blundering." Two aliens are chosen to go down to the island
of Japan and "warn the scientists" -- as is customary in such Japanese films. In theory, this
should be a very simple task. It's not like scientists (even in Japan) are heads of state or
reclusive movie stars.
No, the aliens' big hurdle is that they look ridiculous.
* (1956, 87 min. Unrated)
That I found this movie on a compilation DVD should be warning enough.
I know what you're thinking: One asterisk? For a movie with a giant starfish monster on the
cover? Well, it turns out that giantness of the starfish creature was juuuuuust a bit of an
exaggeration, a marketing ploy by Daiei to cash in on the popularity of Toho's moneymaker.
On the flip side, this might be the first film I've reviewed truly worthy of the title "bargain bin," as
this DVD was found in Target's one-dollar rack. With three other movies on the same disc.
After the world's hastiest opening credits, we're told by an alien race that "the Earthlings must be
stopped" and "warned to stop their blundering." Two aliens are chosen to go down to the island
of Japan and "warn the scientists" -- as is customary in such Japanese films. In theory, this
should be a very simple task. It's not like scientists (even in Japan) are heads of state or
reclusive movie stars.
No, the aliens' big hurdle is that they look ridiculous.
| Paul "Star Child" Stanley from KISS looks infinitely cooler than the star-shaped aliens in Warning From Space. |
These aliens look like guys in giant starfish costumes
made of flimsy pajama material, with a big eye in the
middle (probably because they are guys in giant starfish
costumes made of flimsy pajama material, with a big eye
in the middle). Naturally, any Earthling who sees one of
the aliens starts shrieking in terror. Seriously, Paul Stanley
from KISS is scarier looking.
The appearance of UFOs causes the standard movie
response: screaming headlines. My favorite appears on
the "Tokyo Times" -- and I swear I'm not making this up:
"Observatory Scientists Withhold Comment!" Exclamation
point!
made of flimsy pajama material, with a big eye in the
middle (probably because they are guys in giant starfish
costumes made of flimsy pajama material, with a big eye
in the middle). Naturally, any Earthling who sees one of
the aliens starts shrieking in terror. Seriously, Paul Stanley
from KISS is scarier looking.
The appearance of UFOs causes the standard movie
response: screaming headlines. My favorite appears on
the "Tokyo Times" -- and I swear I'm not making this up:
"Observatory Scientists Withhold Comment!" Exclamation
point!
(Naturally, the second standard response is to launch ineffectual rockets at the UFO.)
So, we have starfish aliens trying to make contact, Japan launching rockets at UFOs and more
footage of guys looking in humongous telescopes than you can shake a stick at... Time for a
musical number! Yes, really. We get treated to one of those Old Hollywood bits where a
woman in an evening gown tap dances with a platoon of guys in tuxedos. Can you say
"padding for time," boys and girls?
So, we have starfish aliens trying to make contact, Japan launching rockets at UFOs and more
footage of guys looking in humongous telescopes than you can shake a stick at... Time for a
musical number! Yes, really. We get treated to one of those Old Hollywood bits where a
woman in an evening gown tap dances with a platoon of guys in tuxedos. Can you say
"padding for time," boys and girls?
After a scene of starfish aliens
bickering in halting, monotone voices,
one of the starfishes (who has
apparently borrowed the Glowing
Hula-Hoops of Teleportation from
Hawk the Slayer) "transmutes" itself
into the singer from the previous
scene. However,
Starfish-turned-StarGirl doesn't bother
with any sort of backstory for herself,
so she just wanders around confused
for a while -- think shades of Brother
From Another Planet, but without the
drug use or the freaky feet. Of course,
all this means the audience gets to
watch all the other characters try to
figure out what her deal is. Joy.
bickering in halting, monotone voices,
one of the starfishes (who has
apparently borrowed the Glowing
Hula-Hoops of Teleportation from
Hawk the Slayer) "transmutes" itself
into the singer from the previous
scene. However,
Starfish-turned-StarGirl doesn't bother
with any sort of backstory for herself,
so she just wanders around confused
for a while -- think shades of Brother
From Another Planet, but without the
drug use or the freaky feet. Of course,
all this means the audience gets to
watch all the other characters try to
figure out what her deal is. Joy.
| The Starfishians (above) debate the best way to reach Earth's scientists. Their halting, monotone voices successfully destroy any energy or excitement in the scene. |
Eventually, Star Girl tells us what the Starfishians are up to. Strangely, it's almost the exact
same story as the ruse the Xilians used in Godzilla: Final Wars. This leads to some more
screaming headlines (Tokyo Herald: "Experts Doubt If Space People Exist!") and some
unintentionally hilarious scenes.
same story as the ruse the Xilians used in Godzilla: Final Wars. This leads to some more
screaming headlines (Tokyo Herald: "Experts Doubt If Space People Exist!") and some
unintentionally hilarious scenes.
First, the observatory scientists need to verify that Star Girl is
indeed an alien and not some crackpot. Science Stooge #1
successfully convinces Science Stooges #2 and #3 by
producing Star Girl's fingerprints and cells on a slide... which
they all examine without the aid of a microscope. No
wonder Japan is so technologically advanced: Japanese
scientists have superhuman vision.
Then, when the Science Stooges prove Star Girl's story is
true after spending 36 straight hours starring into their large
telescope, Tokyo's chief of police orders an immediate
evacuation of the city. That's right: the planet is about to be
destroyed -- head for the hills! I suspect this was added in
just as an excuse to include lots of sirens and footage of
Japanese people running in the streets.
Unlike just about every other Japanese film made after
1945, Warning From Space doesn't have a clear anti-nuke
message. Instead, the film blazes a different path,
suggesting that nuclear weapons are ineffective and
useless compared to the technology of fictitious aliens in
cheap starfish costumes.
indeed an alien and not some crackpot. Science Stooge #1
successfully convinces Science Stooges #2 and #3 by
producing Star Girl's fingerprints and cells on a slide... which
they all examine without the aid of a microscope. No
wonder Japan is so technologically advanced: Japanese
scientists have superhuman vision.
Then, when the Science Stooges prove Star Girl's story is
true after spending 36 straight hours starring into their large
telescope, Tokyo's chief of police orders an immediate
evacuation of the city. That's right: the planet is about to be
destroyed -- head for the hills! I suspect this was added in
just as an excuse to include lots of sirens and footage of
Japanese people running in the streets.
Unlike just about every other Japanese film made after
1945, Warning From Space doesn't have a clear anti-nuke
message. Instead, the film blazes a different path,
suggesting that nuclear weapons are ineffective and
useless compared to the technology of fictitious aliens in
cheap starfish costumes.
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