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SURF NAZIS MUST DIE
* (1987, 82 minutes, Rated R)
"Surf Nazis! Come out and play-yay!"
“Surf Nazis.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
I’m sure the filmmakers thought so, too. Unfortunately, it takes more than just a catchy phrase to
make a worthwhile movie. And Surf Nazis Must Die is not a worthwhile movie.
This Troma-distributed film is set “some time in the near future,” the kind of near future that's all
junk yards and abandoned lots. The story is that a large earthquake (finally) shook California loose
from the continental U.S., and the isolation has caused a huge spike in crime and gang activity. At
least, that’s what Jason Soto of Invasion of the B-Movies told me is the backstory – it’s hard to
make a lot of sense out of this film.
The film focuses on the Surf Nazis themselves, essentially the ‘80s version of a gang but with surf
boards and swastikas painted on their faces. “I am the Furor of the New Beach!” declares gang
leader “Adolf” early on, and he does a Cyrus impersonation in attempting to unite all the beachside
gangs “under the swastika.”
* (1987, 82 minutes, Rated R)
"Surf Nazis! Come out and play-yay!"
“Surf Nazis.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
I’m sure the filmmakers thought so, too. Unfortunately, it takes more than just a catchy phrase to
make a worthwhile movie. And Surf Nazis Must Die is not a worthwhile movie.
This Troma-distributed film is set “some time in the near future,” the kind of near future that's all
junk yards and abandoned lots. The story is that a large earthquake (finally) shook California loose
from the continental U.S., and the isolation has caused a huge spike in crime and gang activity. At
least, that’s what Jason Soto of Invasion of the B-Movies told me is the backstory – it’s hard to
make a lot of sense out of this film.
The film focuses on the Surf Nazis themselves, essentially the ‘80s version of a gang but with surf
boards and swastikas painted on their faces. “I am the Furor of the New Beach!” declares gang
leader “Adolf” early on, and he does a Cyrus impersonation in attempting to unite all the beachside
gangs “under the swastika.”
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That’s nice and all, but unfortunately, the Surf
Nazis are a bunch of bland dickweeds. They
surf and sneer, push people around, maybe
steal an old lady’s purse. Whatever. Everyone
spends a lot of time posturing and talking
tough, and as a result, the viewer has little to no
idea of what’s actually going on.
Breaking up these muddled sequences of Nazi
douchebaggery are scenes of a middle-aged
Nazis are a bunch of bland dickweeds. They
surf and sneer, push people around, maybe
steal an old lady’s purse. Whatever. Everyone
spends a lot of time posturing and talking
tough, and as a result, the viewer has little to no
idea of what’s actually going on.
Breaking up these muddled sequences of Nazi
douchebaggery are scenes of a middle-aged
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| "Can you dig it?" |
black lady settling into a retirement home. She seems awfully young for retirement, but whatever.
She grumpily mourns the loss of her war vet husband, and is occasionally visited by her son, Leroy.
These scenes seem to have absolutely nothing to do with anything until the halfway point, when
Leroy interrupts a purse-snatching and runs afowl with Adolf. We don’t see Leroy’s actual death –
Where’s the overly graphic maiming and mutilation? This is a Troma film, right? – but once we see
the casket, we know it’s just a matter of time before Mama gets all Pam Grier on the Surf Nazi’s
asses.
She grumpily mourns the loss of her war vet husband, and is occasionally visited by her son, Leroy.
These scenes seem to have absolutely nothing to do with anything until the halfway point, when
Leroy interrupts a purse-snatching and runs afowl with Adolf. We don’t see Leroy’s actual death –
Where’s the overly graphic maiming and mutilation? This is a Troma film, right? – but once we see
the casket, we know it’s just a matter of time before Mama gets all Pam Grier on the Surf Nazi’s
asses.
| It goes without saying that Pam Grier could kick the Surf Nazis' asses in a New York minute. |
Unfortunately, that doesn’t
happen until the last 15 minutes
of the film. Until then, we have to
endure endless gangland
intrigue. You’ll laugh, but you
know what annoyed me? There’s
never any explanation of why
these guys are Nazis. I mean,
there’s a lot more to fascism
than swastika face paint. At no
point are we shown what it is
about Nazism that appealed to
happen until the last 15 minutes
of the film. Until then, we have to
endure endless gangland
intrigue. You’ll laugh, but you
know what annoyed me? There’s
never any explanation of why
these guys are Nazis. I mean,
there’s a lot more to fascism
than swastika face paint. At no
point are we shown what it is
about Nazism that appealed to
these guys. Or that they’re a bunch of poseurs – that would have been just as good.
Oh, I know this wouldn’t have made this a good film – it still would have been an incoherent mess
filled with bad acting, but at least it would have been a sign that there was a brain behind the
filmmaking.
But no. Instead, we get the slow realization by the other gangs (and yes, they all have themes a la
The Warriors) that maybe the Surf Nazis are getting a bit big for their britches. The other gangs
attempt to take out the Surf Nazis, and fail hard. Granted, they didn’t bother to coordinate their
efforts, but it certainly helps that the Surf Nazis are apparently the only gang to have more than three
members.
And then, finally, a middle-aged heavy-set woman is able to do what a dozen or so gangbangers
couldn’t. I reckon we’re supposed to be cheering her on at this point, but I was just cheering for the
end credits to appear. After all, film called Surf Nazis Must Die should be fun, not an endurance test.
Oh, I know this wouldn’t have made this a good film – it still would have been an incoherent mess
filled with bad acting, but at least it would have been a sign that there was a brain behind the
filmmaking.
But no. Instead, we get the slow realization by the other gangs (and yes, they all have themes a la
The Warriors) that maybe the Surf Nazis are getting a bit big for their britches. The other gangs
attempt to take out the Surf Nazis, and fail hard. Granted, they didn’t bother to coordinate their
efforts, but it certainly helps that the Surf Nazis are apparently the only gang to have more than three
members.
And then, finally, a middle-aged heavy-set woman is able to do what a dozen or so gangbangers
couldn’t. I reckon we’re supposed to be cheering her on at this point, but I was just cheering for the
end credits to appear. After all, film called Surf Nazis Must Die should be fun, not an endurance test.
This is the part where we'd offer up some second opinions from our Friends
of The 'Bin on Surf Nazis Must Die... but no one else has reviewed it.
The film was, however, featured on the "Somethin'-Somethin' Beach Party!"
episode of LAIR OF THE UNWANTED.
of The 'Bin on Surf Nazis Must Die... but no one else has reviewed it.
The film was, however, featured on the "Somethin'-Somethin' Beach Party!"
episode of LAIR OF THE UNWANTED.