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SUPER SWEET 16: THE MOVIE
* (2007, 120 minutes, Unrated)
Soto's Revenge.
IN A HURRY? THEN CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW AT THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
This MTV film is based off the insufferably obnoxious MTV reality series, "My Super Sweet 16." For
those of you who have blissfully never seen the show, each episode follows a different ultra-rich,
ultra-annoying 15-year-old as she emotionally blackmails her parents into throwing her the
biggest, gaudiest birthday party imaginable.
Awesomely, the film is not a documen- uh, "reality" film. It's as if MTV Studios was forced to admit
that its reality show was too crappy to fill more than 40 minutes of screen time. So a script was
assembled and they got a pair of teen pop singers to star in the film, as if that would make the film
relevant to MTV.
Super Sweet 16: The Movie opens directly on Super Sweet 16: The Logo, which is all big and
princessy and like something Barbie's marketing department might have vomited. It's the story of
BFFs Jacquie and Sarah, who share the same birthday and have always -- jeez, I can't even get
through the first line of plot without wanting to crack my head open with a ball-peen hammer.
* (2007, 120 minutes, Unrated)
Soto's Revenge.
IN A HURRY? THEN CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW AT THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
This MTV film is based off the insufferably obnoxious MTV reality series, "My Super Sweet 16." For
those of you who have blissfully never seen the show, each episode follows a different ultra-rich,
ultra-annoying 15-year-old as she emotionally blackmails her parents into throwing her the
biggest, gaudiest birthday party imaginable.
Awesomely, the film is not a documen- uh, "reality" film. It's as if MTV Studios was forced to admit
that its reality show was too crappy to fill more than 40 minutes of screen time. So a script was
assembled and they got a pair of teen pop singers to star in the film, as if that would make the film
relevant to MTV.
Super Sweet 16: The Movie opens directly on Super Sweet 16: The Logo, which is all big and
princessy and like something Barbie's marketing department might have vomited. It's the story of
BFFs Jacquie and Sarah, who share the same birthday and have always -- jeez, I can't even get
through the first line of plot without wanting to crack my head open with a ball-peen hammer.
 |
Okay, deep breath, try again: Jacquie and Sarah have
spent each and every one of their birthdays together.
We're treated one flashback to when they were little and
dressed up like princesses to celebrate alone in an
abandoned playground. We also learn that the girls have
been dreaming of their joint Sweet 16 for the last decade
or so. I'll leave it to you to decide which is more
depressing.
Apparently Jacquie and Sarah haven't gotten together in a
while, because there's all sorts of squealing when they
see each other. The squealing is followed by some
horribly choreographed hand slap/shake/chant thing.
Congratulations, film. I'm three minutes in and already
want to take a chainsaw to everyone involved.
spent each and every one of their birthdays together.
We're treated one flashback to when they were little and
dressed up like princesses to celebrate alone in an
abandoned playground. We also learn that the girls have
been dreaming of their joint Sweet 16 for the last decade
or so. I'll leave it to you to decide which is more
depressing.
Apparently Jacquie and Sarah haven't gotten together in a
while, because there's all sorts of squealing when they
see each other. The squealing is followed by some
horribly choreographed hand slap/shake/chant thing.
Congratulations, film. I'm three minutes in and already
want to take a chainsaw to everyone involved.
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This is not the kind of movie I expected to include in THE GAUNTLET, yet it's a very appropriate
edition.
Jason Soto of Invasion of the B-Movies and I have begun a regular challenge, where we each
take on a movie already covered by the other. I'd previously challenged Jason to review
Wiseguys vs. Zombies, and he... didn't take it very well.
With vengeance on his mind, Jason challenged me to cover Las Vegas Blood Bath this
month. Netflix did not cooperate. Howling mad (at least, that's how I imagined it), Jason dug
deep into his bag and called for this film...
edition.
Jason Soto of Invasion of the B-Movies and I have begun a regular challenge, where we each
take on a movie already covered by the other. I'd previously challenged Jason to review
Wiseguys vs. Zombies, and he... didn't take it very well.
With vengeance on his mind, Jason challenged me to cover Las Vegas Blood Bath this
month. Netflix did not cooperate. Howling mad (at least, that's how I imagined it), Jason dug
deep into his bag and called for this film...
| The Ball-Peen Hammer: Provider of Sweet Unconsciousness |
Jacquie has just transferred to Sarah's school, Cliché High, where everyone is a budding
entrepreneur or future star of some sort. Put another way, this is the kind of universe where
recording artists play high school pool parties. Head mean girl and Paris Hilton clone Taylor (who
refers to herself in the third person -- groan!) quickly figures out that Jacquie's family is richer than
God and starts sucking up to her. Crunchy, environ-activist Sarah is not pleased.
Trouble brews when Sarah volunteers their joint Sweet 16 as a fundraiser, and Jacquie agrees to
let Taylor plan the party. Taylor keeps stirring up trouble, and soon the girls aren't talking and have
split their birthday into two competing parties.
And that's when it happened: The movie actively tried to drown my childhood in a toilet.
It came during a scene where a party planner (Debra Wilson of “MADtv” fame, injecting a little life
into the proceedings) is fast-talking Sarah, her father and a few others into renting out the frickin'
Queen Mary for the party. And—wait! Who is that playing the role of the neutered, “anything for my
little angel” dad?
entrepreneur or future star of some sort. Put another way, this is the kind of universe where
recording artists play high school pool parties. Head mean girl and Paris Hilton clone Taylor (who
refers to herself in the third person -- groan!) quickly figures out that Jacquie's family is richer than
God and starts sucking up to her. Crunchy, environ-activist Sarah is not pleased.
Trouble brews when Sarah volunteers their joint Sweet 16 as a fundraiser, and Jacquie agrees to
let Taylor plan the party. Taylor keeps stirring up trouble, and soon the girls aren't talking and have
split their birthday into two competing parties.
And that's when it happened: The movie actively tried to drown my childhood in a toilet.
It came during a scene where a party planner (Debra Wilson of “MADtv” fame, injecting a little life
into the proceedings) is fast-talking Sarah, her father and a few others into renting out the frickin'
Queen Mary for the party. And—wait! Who is that playing the role of the neutered, “anything for my
little angel” dad?
| "Rowdy" Roddy Piper? What are you doing here? |
I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. But there he stood, bloated with age, looking
uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed… The once villainous “Hot Rod,” reduced to being the
Big Softie for a bunch of teenyboppers.
I’ve watched many a bad movie, but this was the first to bring me to my knees, weeping.
The pain doesn't stop there. Soon both parties have spiraled out of control, with party planners
and yachts and fashion shows and whatnot, each costing well north of $50,000. For a birthday
party. It's an orgy of over-indulgence, and all the talk of maxing out credit cards and second
mortgages is hideously tone deaf in today's world.
There is an attempt at a bigger message, but by the time Sarah’s documentary-making love
interest (Taylor’s brother) shows her his footage of party planning drama intercut with Hurricane
Katrina damage, it’s too late. The move reeks of MTV trying to have its cake and eat it too, and it
just comes off as another form of exploitation.
Like an episode of “Love Boat,” everyone eventually kisses and makes up just in time for the big
uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed… The once villainous “Hot Rod,” reduced to being the
Big Softie for a bunch of teenyboppers.
I’ve watched many a bad movie, but this was the first to bring me to my knees, weeping.
The pain doesn't stop there. Soon both parties have spiraled out of control, with party planners
and yachts and fashion shows and whatnot, each costing well north of $50,000. For a birthday
party. It's an orgy of over-indulgence, and all the talk of maxing out credit cards and second
mortgages is hideously tone deaf in today's world.
There is an attempt at a bigger message, but by the time Sarah’s documentary-making love
interest (Taylor’s brother) shows her his footage of party planning drama intercut with Hurricane
Katrina damage, it’s too late. The move reeks of MTV trying to have its cake and eat it too, and it
just comes off as another form of exploitation.
Like an episode of “Love Boat,” everyone eventually kisses and makes up just in time for the big
| Any given episode of "The Love Boat" is far better than this movie. |
happy ending. Only here the big happy ending is the Super
Sweet 16 party, and it’s exactly as exciting as watching a party.
So the girls not only learn an important lesson about friendship
and priorities, but they still get to have their grotesquely
overblown birthday party. Oh, and new convertibles as birthday
gifts.
My daughters will never, ever, ever see this movie.
This film review is part of THE GAUNTLET via a challenge
from Jason Soto. You can check out his review of this film
over at Invasion of the B-Movies.
You can also follow this link to see footage of "Rowdy"
Roddy Piper's better days.
Sweet 16 party, and it’s exactly as exciting as watching a party.
So the girls not only learn an important lesson about friendship
and priorities, but they still get to have their grotesquely
overblown birthday party. Oh, and new convertibles as birthday
gifts.
My daughters will never, ever, ever see this movie.
This film review is part of THE GAUNTLET via a challenge
from Jason Soto. You can check out his review of this film
over at Invasion of the B-Movies.
You can also follow this link to see footage of "Rowdy"
Roddy Piper's better days.