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SUNDAY SCHOOL MUSICAL
* * (2008, 85 minutes, Unrated)
This isn't a spoof. Sorry.
It probably would have helped with my mockbuster comparison if I had seen original High School
Musical, but alas, I am not a 12-year-old girl. Here's what I can figure: A bunch of beautiful but
neutered and harmless teens sing about their feelings, spontaneously break out into dance and
build up to a grand, high energy finale.
In other words, this generation's version of "Saved By The Bell," but with singing.
* * (2008, 85 minutes, Unrated)
This isn't a spoof. Sorry.
It probably would have helped with my mockbuster comparison if I had seen original High School
Musical, but alas, I am not a 12-year-old girl. Here's what I can figure: A bunch of beautiful but
neutered and harmless teens sing about their feelings, spontaneously break out into dance and
build up to a grand, high energy finale.
In other words, this generation's version of "Saved By The Bell," but with singing.
 |
And, boy howdy, is there singing! We open with our
boy, Zach, singing down a city street on his way to the
choir competition (a common occurrence in this film --
so "Street"). He finishes his song in time for the actual
church choir competition, held in front of an audience of
at least 20 people.
Even though the top two choirs move on to "states" and
a chance to win $10K, don't expect any Sister Act action
in these church choirs. Oh sure, Zach's choir is really
good -- they're the one's lip-syncing to the overly
produced song. The other choir? Not so much. But
since the third choir all has food poisoning, everybody
wins! Yay! Time for more singing in the streets!
boy, Zach, singing down a city street on his way to the
choir competition (a common occurrence in this film --
so "Street"). He finishes his song in time for the actual
church choir competition, held in front of an audience of
at least 20 people.
Even though the top two choirs move on to "states" and
a chance to win $10K, don't expect any Sister Act action
in these church choirs. Oh sure, Zach's choir is really
good -- they're the one's lip-syncing to the overly
produced song. The other choir? Not so much. But
since the third choir all has food poisoning, everybody
wins! Yay! Time for more singing in the streets!
| Ah, the '90s. Not a good time for graphic design. |
And now, the bombshell: Zach's mom was just laid off from the hospital, meaning the fam has to
move in with their Aunt across town immediately! And Zach will begin attending a different school,
the one with the crappy choir, immediately! To add insult to injury, Zach's friends blame Zach for
his transfer, resulting in the first of many Singing Argument Duets. Zach has no choice but to do
some Angry Dancing on the roof of the apartment building. Kevin Bacon would approve.
Wouldn't you know it? Zach is partnered up with the hottie from the crappy choir ("Savannah"),
where they learn how to read directions in Home Economics. They can't stand each other, so you
know they'll totally be a couple by the end of the film. We're also introduced to The Nerdy Guy who
thinks Zach is only there to spy on their choir and numerous establishing shots of empty
schoolyards. Apparently, enrollment is down.
Zach wants nothing to do with the crappy choir -- even with Savannah all-but begging him to join --
but he can only fight the music for so long! And as Zach teaches the crappy choir to suck less, his
old choir is struggling to get its act together. Which made me wonder: If a group of teens can
spontaneously burst out into polished musical numbers, why can't they sort out a song for a
church choir competition?
So...
For the most part, I have no idea. The DVD was busted, "denying" me of the final half-hour. But I
did find this comment on IMDB.com, which will answer that last question and be either the
funniest or scariest thing you've read in a very long time.
Besides the stuff I've come to expect (bad dialogue, stiff acting, strange cut-aways, etc.), here's the
main problem with this film: I don't know who this movie is for. It's not a spoof and it's not funny
(intentionally or otherwise). The musical numbers aren't actively bad (like in Ishtar) and are
maybe about as good as what you'd see on "American Idol." Take that for what it's worth. And for
a film presumably targeting the Christian community (it was released by The Asylum's Faith Films
division), it's shockingly light in its treatment of faith and lifeless.
move in with their Aunt across town immediately! And Zach will begin attending a different school,
the one with the crappy choir, immediately! To add insult to injury, Zach's friends blame Zach for
his transfer, resulting in the first of many Singing Argument Duets. Zach has no choice but to do
some Angry Dancing on the roof of the apartment building. Kevin Bacon would approve.
Wouldn't you know it? Zach is partnered up with the hottie from the crappy choir ("Savannah"),
where they learn how to read directions in Home Economics. They can't stand each other, so you
know they'll totally be a couple by the end of the film. We're also introduced to The Nerdy Guy who
thinks Zach is only there to spy on their choir and numerous establishing shots of empty
schoolyards. Apparently, enrollment is down.
Zach wants nothing to do with the crappy choir -- even with Savannah all-but begging him to join --
but he can only fight the music for so long! And as Zach teaches the crappy choir to suck less, his
old choir is struggling to get its act together. Which made me wonder: If a group of teens can
spontaneously burst out into polished musical numbers, why can't they sort out a song for a
church choir competition?
So...
- Will Zach be able to whip the crappy choir into shape in time for "States"?
- Will Zach's friends from the Old Neighborhood eventually realize that Zach's transfer was
not anything he could control?
- Will the kids save the church from closing down? (And why can't the church simply merge
with a nearby church of a similar denomination like any other church in financial straits?)
- And will Zach get to plant a chaste peck on Savannah's lips at the end of the film?
For the most part, I have no idea. The DVD was busted, "denying" me of the final half-hour. But I
did find this comment on IMDB.com, which will answer that last question and be either the
funniest or scariest thing you've read in a very long time.
Besides the stuff I've come to expect (bad dialogue, stiff acting, strange cut-aways, etc.), here's the
main problem with this film: I don't know who this movie is for. It's not a spoof and it's not funny
(intentionally or otherwise). The musical numbers aren't actively bad (like in Ishtar) and are
maybe about as good as what you'd see on "American Idol." Take that for what it's worth. And for
a film presumably targeting the Christian community (it was released by The Asylum's Faith Films
division), it's shockingly light in its treatment of faith and lifeless.
There was exactly one scene that didn't feel like
chewing styrofoam. Savannah is in her room, brooding
over the somewhat recent (off-screen) death of her
mother. Her father, a preacher who is apparently
hopped up on Zoloft, starts blathering on about how the
mom's death is all part of "God's plan" for them --
[Side Note: I can't tell you how offensive I've always
found this line of thinking. If your God kills off people as
part of a "plan" to teach their family members a lesson,
then your God is a colossal jerk.]
-- and Savannah tells him to shove it. Okay, so the
scene is saddled with bad dialogue and some fairly
stiff delivery, but at least I recognized it as something
from this world.
Seriously, virtually anything religious in the film felt
shoe-horned in -- replace "church" with "community
center" and you'd never notice the difference. It's like
the writers had never heard a Bible story before. The
main character is having family hardships, moves to a
chewing styrofoam. Savannah is in her room, brooding
over the somewhat recent (off-screen) death of her
mother. Her father, a preacher who is apparently
hopped up on Zoloft, starts blathering on about how the
mom's death is all part of "God's plan" for them --
[Side Note: I can't tell you how offensive I've always
found this line of thinking. If your God kills off people as
part of a "plan" to teach their family members a lesson,
then your God is a colossal jerk.]
-- and Savannah tells him to shove it. Okay, so the
scene is saddled with bad dialogue and some fairly
stiff delivery, but at least I recognized it as something
from this world.
Seriously, virtually anything religious in the film felt
shoe-horned in -- replace "church" with "community
center" and you'd never notice the difference. It's like
the writers had never heard a Bible story before. The
main character is having family hardships, moves to a
| I wanted to include a picture of a Bible with a snide caption about the screenwriters using it as a paperweight, but then I found this. Holy crap, Nintendo has a Bible game for its Game Boy Advance! |
new place, feels like he's betraying his old friends... And the writers offer nothing from the Bible to
mirror those themes? Then why bother?
Also, there were no boobies.
mirror those themes? Then why bother?
Also, there were no boobies.
If you enjoyed this review -- and who didn't? --
then be sure to check out some of the other
mockbusters reviewed here at The 'Bin:
then be sure to check out some of the other
mockbusters reviewed here at The 'Bin:
