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SNAKE PEOPLE
A.K.A. ISLE OF THE SNAKE PEOPLE
* (1971, 90 minutes, Unrated)
That's So Voodoo!
As I've mentioned in past reviews, not all bad movies are alike. You probably just think of hammy
acting and piss-poor special effects, but there are actually many types of bad in bad movies. Just
off the top of my head, there are the incompetently bad movies, the unintentionally hilarious bad
movies, and the visual eyesores.
The kind of bad movies I struggle with the most are the ponderously bad movies. These tend to be
thrillers and horror movies that think they're too good for such juvenile tactics as jump scares and
monsters and gore. No, these films are determined to scare you "intellectually" and with "mood."
And, sure, I get it. When done right, those are the best kind of thrillers. But when they're not done
right, they're like this or this or this.
Or like Snake People.
The film opens with a slow pan across a world map as the narrator gives what sounds like the
entry on voodoo in his encyclopedia. Be assured that this is never a good sign. We zoom in on the
"Isle of the Snake," an island in the Pacific that I'm confident you won't find on Google Map.
From there, we go to a studio set filled with torches and cobwebs and cheesy fake skulls and
whatnot. We get a glimpse of Hollywood's version of a voodoo doctor. You know the type: tall black
man in a tux jacket, top hat and face paint -- just like that one villain in that Bond movie. In what is
one of the few delights of this film, we also learn that there's a Little Person Voodoo Doctor (LPVD).
A.K.A. ISLE OF THE SNAKE PEOPLE
* (1971, 90 minutes, Unrated)
That's So Voodoo!
As I've mentioned in past reviews, not all bad movies are alike. You probably just think of hammy
acting and piss-poor special effects, but there are actually many types of bad in bad movies. Just
off the top of my head, there are the incompetently bad movies, the unintentionally hilarious bad
movies, and the visual eyesores.
The kind of bad movies I struggle with the most are the ponderously bad movies. These tend to be
thrillers and horror movies that think they're too good for such juvenile tactics as jump scares and
monsters and gore. No, these films are determined to scare you "intellectually" and with "mood."
And, sure, I get it. When done right, those are the best kind of thrillers. But when they're not done
right, they're like this or this or this.
Or like Snake People.
The film opens with a slow pan across a world map as the narrator gives what sounds like the
entry on voodoo in his encyclopedia. Be assured that this is never a good sign. We zoom in on the
"Isle of the Snake," an island in the Pacific that I'm confident you won't find on Google Map.
From there, we go to a studio set filled with torches and cobwebs and cheesy fake skulls and
whatnot. We get a glimpse of Hollywood's version of a voodoo doctor. You know the type: tall black
man in a tux jacket, top hat and face paint -- just like that one villain in that Bond movie. In what is
one of the few delights of this film, we also learn that there's a Little Person Voodoo Doctor (LPVD).
 |
He's clearly a very happy man. You can
just tell by the way he laugh and laughs
and laughs for no reason whatsoever.
LPVD and a farm hand dig up a grave,
and then LPVD does his voodoo thing
and brings the comely black lady within
back from the dead so the farm hand
can... make out with her? Ugh, thanks a
lot, movie.
This whole pre-credits sequence takes
nearly 10 minutes and is completely
devoid of dialogue. It just might be the
most insufferable 10 minutes I've ever sat
through.
just tell by the way he laugh and laughs
and laughs for no reason whatsoever.
LPVD and a farm hand dig up a grave,
and then LPVD does his voodoo thing
and brings the comely black lady within
back from the dead so the farm hand
can... make out with her? Ugh, thanks a
lot, movie.
This whole pre-credits sequence takes
nearly 10 minutes and is completely
devoid of dialogue. It just might be the
most insufferable 10 minutes I've ever sat
through.
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| LPVD (above), so happy, so voodoo. |
Post-credits, we finally get an actual story: Newly arrived at the Island of the Snake is a pretty
feminist from "The Anti-Saloon League" and an uptight new police captain from France. No, this is
not the set-up for a joke.
Capt promptly gets to work busting the chops of the local law enforcement, including the young
slacker (and obvious love interest -- for the pretty feminist, that is) who is supposed to be running
the place. Despite the fact that the place looks like the setting for ever spaghetti western ever, Ms.
Temperance is shocked -- shocked! -- to see bottles of alcohol in the police station. “Modern
science has shown that alcohol is responsible for 99.2% of all the world’s sins,” she intones. I’d
love to see the quantitative data on that.
When Ms. Temperance and Capt later see a voodoo funeral procession pass by, the Slacker gets
them up to speed. "In those eyes, you can guess all the cruelty of their diabolical ceremony,"
intones a completely new narrator. What? Our new narrator adds, "They gladly go to their deaths
in the hopes that they'll be accepted into the Legion of Zombies."
feminist from "The Anti-Saloon League" and an uptight new police captain from France. No, this is
not the set-up for a joke.
Capt promptly gets to work busting the chops of the local law enforcement, including the young
slacker (and obvious love interest -- for the pretty feminist, that is) who is supposed to be running
the place. Despite the fact that the place looks like the setting for ever spaghetti western ever, Ms.
Temperance is shocked -- shocked! -- to see bottles of alcohol in the police station. “Modern
science has shown that alcohol is responsible for 99.2% of all the world’s sins,” she intones. I’d
love to see the quantitative data on that.
When Ms. Temperance and Capt later see a voodoo funeral procession pass by, the Slacker gets
them up to speed. "In those eyes, you can guess all the cruelty of their diabolical ceremony,"
intones a completely new narrator. What? Our new narrator adds, "They gladly go to their deaths
in the hopes that they'll be accepted into the Legion of Zombies."
| Though it's a common mistake, the Legion of Zombies should never be confused with the Legion of Doom. |
Ah hell, it's another pointless ceremony
sequence! At least this one, strangely, features
belly dancing. LPVD returns, and there's a snake
-- that's so voodoo! We're also introduced to the
unseen "Damballah," who apparently runs all
things voodoo around these parts.
Back to our actual story: Ms. Temperance is
staying with her wealthy plantation-owner uncle,
played by Boris "Don't call me Frankenstein"
Karloff. Apparently, this is one of a quartet of
stinkers Karloff made before his death -- looks
like appearing in terrible films at the end of his
career wasn‘t just for Bela Lugosi! Anyway, Capt
tells Karloff that he's in town to stomp out all the
voodoo, and the two have a round-about Freedom
of Religion debate until Karloff purrs, "Come into
my laboratory." Because of course Karloff's
character has a laboratory.
sequence! At least this one, strangely, features
belly dancing. LPVD returns, and there's a snake
-- that's so voodoo! We're also introduced to the
unseen "Damballah," who apparently runs all
things voodoo around these parts.
Back to our actual story: Ms. Temperance is
staying with her wealthy plantation-owner uncle,
played by Boris "Don't call me Frankenstein"
Karloff. Apparently, this is one of a quartet of
stinkers Karloff made before his death -- looks
like appearing in terrible films at the end of his
career wasn‘t just for Bela Lugosi! Anyway, Capt
tells Karloff that he's in town to stomp out all the
voodoo, and the two have a round-about Freedom
of Religion debate until Karloff purrs, "Come into
my laboratory." Because of course Karloff's
character has a laboratory.
Admittedly, my attention wavered throughout this film, but as best as I could tell, Karloff's character
was experimenting with the power of staring at things.
was experimenting with the power of staring at things.
| Science! |
Capt busts a voodoo ceremony, sparing
us of yet another dragged-out sequence.
Soon enough, we have zombified
plantation workers revolting and voodoo
people doing that voodoo they do on Ms.
Temperance. You know what that means:
Time for a trippy dream sequence!
Every so often, we go back to the farm
hand from the opening segment as he
tries to put the moves on his zombie
us of yet another dragged-out sequence.
Soon enough, we have zombified
plantation workers revolting and voodoo
people doing that voodoo they do on Ms.
Temperance. You know what that means:
Time for a trippy dream sequence!
Every so often, we go back to the farm
hand from the opening segment as he
tries to put the moves on his zombie
girlfriend. Fortunately, someone always shows up in time to throw the (justified) cock-block.
In case you didn't see this coming a mile away, Ms. Temperance is kidnapped for insidious
voodoo purposes, and it's up to Capt and the Slacker to Save the Day. Somehow, the movie
withholds the identity of Damballah until the very end, which seems insane to me because
In case you didn't see this coming a mile away, Ms. Temperance is kidnapped for insidious
voodoo purposes, and it's up to Capt and the Slacker to Save the Day. Somehow, the movie
withholds the identity of Damballah until the very end, which seems insane to me because
| the film stars Boris freakin' Karloff! Like, who else could be Damballah? Duh! Stupid movie. |
Notice that I didn't say that the film "builds up to" that conclusion. Nothing builds in this film --
there's no tension, no intrigue, no suspense... hell, there's barely a story. I can only assume that
the inclusion of so many dialogue- and excitement-free voodoo ceremony sequences was merely
to pad the film's run time.
How bad is this film? It took me two tries to get through it all. In my first attempt to watch Snake
People, after the first 10 minutes, I decided that I'd rather clean my kitchen than watch any more.
SNAKE PEOPLE comes to the Bargain Bin Review by way of a Reader
Recommendation.
If you're looking for a second opinion on SNAKE PEOPLE, feel free to see
what these Friends of The 'Bin had to say...
FULL MOON REVIEWS
OBSCURE HORROR
Recommendation.
If you're looking for a second opinion on SNAKE PEOPLE, feel free to see
what these Friends of The 'Bin had to say...
FULL MOON REVIEWS
OBSCURE HORROR