THE ROWDY GIRLS
* * * (1999, 88 minutes, Rated R)
READER APPRECIATION POLL WINNER: Not so much "rowdy" as "ornery" or "quick to
remove their tops."
Bad titles often irk me. This movie is many things -- including, as the three asterisks indicate,
"watchable" -- but "rowdy" isn't one of them. Off the top of my head, here are some things
infinitely rowdier than The Rowdy Girls :
* * * (1999, 88 minutes, Rated R)
READER APPRECIATION POLL WINNER: Not so much "rowdy" as "ornery" or "quick to
remove their tops."
Bad titles often irk me. This movie is many things -- including, as the three asterisks indicate,
"watchable" -- but "rowdy" isn't one of them. Off the top of my head, here are some things
infinitely rowdier than The Rowdy Girls :
Of course, this is not to say that The Rowdy Girls -- the love child of B-movie superstar Shannon
Tweed and the schlock geniuses at Troma (Note To Self: Review The Toxic Avenger) is without
its charms. And by "charms," I mean gratuitous nudity.
After the Balladeer tells us all to get comfortable (because we needed prompting), we're sent
back to 1882 and are forced to wait an entire 90 seconds before getting our first eyeful of
toplessness. There, we meet Velvet (played by 1982 Playmate of the Year, Shannon Tweed),
the prostitute who is looking for a better way of life. Velvet goes a whole minute before taking
her top off.
Then we're "Somewhere in Mexico" with Ruthless Outlaw Mick (played by 1993 Penthouse Pet
of the Year Julie Strain) and her infamous outlaw boyfriend, Billy Polk. She makes us wait two
minutes before pouring whiskey over her ample bosom and engaging in the most hilariously
vigorous sex scene ever.
Finally we kick over to Savannah, Georgia, where we meet Runaway Bride Sarah (played by May
1998 Playmate of the Month Deanna Brooks). She manages to make it through her first scene
with her clothes on, though I'm not sure how.
Everyone converges on Sweetwater, Texas, a small town under the protection of the righteous
sheriff and his deputy brother, who has a hard time keeping his pants on. Mick and Billy plot to
rob the stagecoach carrying Sarah, who is fleeing to San Francisco, and Velvet, disguised as a
nun and simply fleeing with a big bag of cash.
Tweed and the schlock geniuses at Troma (Note To Self: Review The Toxic Avenger) is without
its charms. And by "charms," I mean gratuitous nudity.
After the Balladeer tells us all to get comfortable (because we needed prompting), we're sent
back to 1882 and are forced to wait an entire 90 seconds before getting our first eyeful of
toplessness. There, we meet Velvet (played by 1982 Playmate of the Year, Shannon Tweed),
the prostitute who is looking for a better way of life. Velvet goes a whole minute before taking
her top off.
Then we're "Somewhere in Mexico" with Ruthless Outlaw Mick (played by 1993 Penthouse Pet
of the Year Julie Strain) and her infamous outlaw boyfriend, Billy Polk. She makes us wait two
minutes before pouring whiskey over her ample bosom and engaging in the most hilariously
vigorous sex scene ever.
Finally we kick over to Savannah, Georgia, where we meet Runaway Bride Sarah (played by May
1998 Playmate of the Month Deanna Brooks). She manages to make it through her first scene
with her clothes on, though I'm not sure how.
Everyone converges on Sweetwater, Texas, a small town under the protection of the righteous
sheriff and his deputy brother, who has a hard time keeping his pants on. Mick and Billy plot to
rob the stagecoach carrying Sarah, who is fleeing to San Francisco, and Velvet, disguised as a
nun and simply fleeing with a big bag of cash.
Shenanigans ensue, and the rest of the film is an endless
array of drinking, gambling, double-crossing, tough talking,
fisticuffs, triple-crossing, hard-to-see night scenes,
soft-core sex and busty women without bras riding horses...
not necessarily in that order.
There's also an disproportionate amount of sleeping on the
ground. I'm sure that's historically accurate, just a bit weird
to see a film devote a half dozen scenes to characters
waking up on a blanket in the middle of the woods. Some
do have tents, but they tend to only appear for the sex
scenes.
One thing that struck me as strange was the number of
references to Shannon Tweed being "long in the tooth."
Certainly, this film doesn't take itself very seriously, and Ms.
Tweed isn't a kid anymore, but jeez.
I can only hope anyone wants to see me naked when I
reach my 40s.
array of drinking, gambling, double-crossing, tough talking,
fisticuffs, triple-crossing, hard-to-see night scenes,
soft-core sex and busty women without bras riding horses...
not necessarily in that order.
There's also an disproportionate amount of sleeping on the
ground. I'm sure that's historically accurate, just a bit weird
to see a film devote a half dozen scenes to characters
waking up on a blanket in the middle of the woods. Some
do have tents, but they tend to only appear for the sex
scenes.
One thing that struck me as strange was the number of
references to Shannon Tweed being "long in the tooth."
Certainly, this film doesn't take itself very seriously, and Ms.
Tweed isn't a kid anymore, but jeez.
I can only hope anyone wants to see me naked when I
reach my 40s.
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