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BARBIE AS
THE PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER
* * (2004, 85 minutes, Unrated)
They're two Barbie girls / in different Barbie worlds.
What we have here is the first of a string of animated features starring Barbie (as opposed to being
about Barbie). And why not? Who better to take on the classic tale of relations between the
bourgeoisie and the proletariat than an international icon who has been warping women’s body
image for the past 50 years?
THE PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER
* * (2004, 85 minutes, Unrated)
They're two Barbie girls / in different Barbie worlds.
What we have here is the first of a string of animated features starring Barbie (as opposed to being
about Barbie). And why not? Who better to take on the classic tale of relations between the
bourgeoisie and the proletariat than an international icon who has been warping women’s body
image for the past 50 years?
 |
The film opens with a lengthy narration over still shots,
which is one of the least interesting approaches to
exposition I can think of. Once the animation actually
becomes animated, the queen discovers that her
kingdom is bankrupt and she no longer has any way to
“take care of her people” (given the condition of the
villagers,she's already doing a piss poor job). Her
solution? Sell of- uh, “marry” off her daughter, Princess
Anneliese (Barbie), to the “young, rich king” in a
neighboring kingdom.
Women as chattel -- Yay, Barbie!
We quickly move from Princess Chattel to Pauper
Chattel, Erika (also Barbie), before plunging into the first
of many “American Idol”-y musical numbers. The first
one features the Barbies singing about how
miserable/trapped they are in their current lives. At one
point, they sing, “Duty means doing the things your heart
may well regret,” which probably comes across as
insightful to Barbie’s target audience but struck me as
vaguely dirty.
which is one of the least interesting approaches to
exposition I can think of. Once the animation actually
becomes animated, the queen discovers that her
kingdom is bankrupt and she no longer has any way to
“take care of her people” (given the condition of the
villagers,she's already doing a piss poor job). Her
solution? Sell of- uh, “marry” off her daughter, Princess
Anneliese (Barbie), to the “young, rich king” in a
neighboring kingdom.
Women as chattel -- Yay, Barbie!
We quickly move from Princess Chattel to Pauper
Chattel, Erika (also Barbie), before plunging into the first
of many “American Idol”-y musical numbers. The first
one features the Barbies singing about how
miserable/trapped they are in their current lives. At one
point, they sing, “Duty means doing the things your heart
may well regret,” which probably comes across as
insightful to Barbie’s target audience but struck me as
vaguely dirty.
| Mark Twain (above) was mad enough to rise from the grave and punch a kitten after seeing Barbie's take on his tale. |
Turns out the queen is being pilfered by her own advisor, Preminger (voiced by Martin Short!!) and
his unnamed poodle sidekick. Preminger also sings one of those songs about how awesomely
diabolical he is, which always successfully undermines the character’s diabolicalness. I mean,
hell, there’s a reason no one has ever seen Dick Cheney sing.
his unnamed poodle sidekick. Preminger also sings one of those songs about how awesomely
diabolical he is, which always successfully undermines the character’s diabolicalness. I mean,
hell, there’s a reason no one has ever seen Dick Cheney sing.
| Martin Short goes from The Three Amigos and "Jiminy Glick" to voice work for Barbie? The mighty have fallen and can't get up. |
At this point, I’m starting to wish I was somewhere
else. And that’s when the animals started talking.
During a trip into the village, Princess Anneliese meets
indentured servant/spitting image Erika, and the two hit
it off famously. They share a duet about the
inconvenient constraints of royal life and the absolute
suckatude of being dirt poor. And then it’s catch ya
later, see you around.
That’s right: The whole “deciding to switch lives” thing
doesn’t happen. Well, it eventually does, but not
voluntarily: When Preminger has Anneliese kidnapped,
the Princess’s faithful (and smitten) tutor has the
brilliant idea of bringing Erika in to impersonate the
Anneliese and help ferret out the villains. Then the
Princess escapes and is promptly mistaken for Erika.
Hilarity ensues. It all builds up to a climax that
includes re-kidnappings, Erika’s barking cat -- did I
mention the barking cat? -- digging up an abandoned
mine shaft, the last-minute interruption of a wedding
and the discovery of The Mighty Geode.
else. And that’s when the animals started talking.
During a trip into the village, Princess Anneliese meets
indentured servant/spitting image Erika, and the two hit
it off famously. They share a duet about the
inconvenient constraints of royal life and the absolute
suckatude of being dirt poor. And then it’s catch ya
later, see you around.
That’s right: The whole “deciding to switch lives” thing
doesn’t happen. Well, it eventually does, but not
voluntarily: When Preminger has Anneliese kidnapped,
the Princess’s faithful (and smitten) tutor has the
brilliant idea of bringing Erika in to impersonate the
Anneliese and help ferret out the villains. Then the
Princess escapes and is promptly mistaken for Erika.
Hilarity ensues. It all builds up to a climax that
includes re-kidnappings, Erika’s barking cat -- did I
mention the barking cat? -- digging up an abandoned
mine shaft, the last-minute interruption of a wedding
and the discovery of The Mighty Geode.
Gripping. I had a hard time maintaining an interest in the film, but in all fairness, I am not a
seven-year-old girl. The CGI animation is okay. Sure, the movement is a bit stiff and most of the
faces look slightly creepy and plastic, but that just seems appropriate for a Barbie movie.
I’m sure the scholars among you are wondering if the film does Mark Twain’s original any
justice. Put it this way: In “The Prince and The Pauper,” Mark Twain channels Charles Dickens
and replaces his trademark slyness for fish-out-of-water humor to highlight his social
commentary. Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper features a cat that barks like a dog.
seven-year-old girl. The CGI animation is okay. Sure, the movement is a bit stiff and most of the
faces look slightly creepy and plastic, but that just seems appropriate for a Barbie movie.
I’m sure the scholars among you are wondering if the film does Mark Twain’s original any
justice. Put it this way: In “The Prince and The Pauper,” Mark Twain channels Charles Dickens
and replaces his trademark slyness for fish-out-of-water humor to highlight his social
commentary. Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper features a cat that barks like a dog.
Speaking of “woof,” the end credits features “funny” “outtakes” from the film. And I don’t mean
shots where the animation when funky, I mean Jackie Chan-esque on-set hijinks by the
“actors.” Who are completely man-made animated characters.
I couldn’t find the STOP button fast enough.
shots where the animation when funky, I mean Jackie Chan-esque on-set hijinks by the
“actors.” Who are completely man-made animated characters.
I couldn’t find the STOP button fast enough.
| Woof. |