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PIRANHA 3D
* * * * (2010, 88 minutes, Rated R)
Big Budget Cheese
I almost didn't review this film.
The focus of the Bargain Bin Review has always been on the straight to video features, the cult
films, the b-movies... You know, the bastard step-children of the films that bask in the glow of the
multiplex. And for as much as Piranha 3D may aspire to be a spiritual cousin to those
oft-neglected films, it enjoyed a very wide release nationwide.
But check out who's in the film: Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Christopher Lloyd... It's like the
* * * * (2010, 88 minutes, Rated R)
Big Budget Cheese
I almost didn't review this film.
The focus of the Bargain Bin Review has always been on the straight to video features, the cult
films, the b-movies... You know, the bastard step-children of the films that bask in the glow of the
multiplex. And for as much as Piranha 3D may aspire to be a spiritual cousin to those
oft-neglected films, it enjoyed a very wide release nationwide.
But check out who's in the film: Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Christopher Lloyd... It's like the
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'80s mixed tape of movie casts! Also: Richard
Dreyfuss is killed off in an elaborate fashion -- that
alone was good enough for me.
After killing off Richard Dreyfuss's character from Jaws
in the pre-credits sequence, we head on over to Lake
Wooooo!, where the Ladies of the '80s Tournament
Winning Elizabeth Shue is the local law. She and
Deputy Ving Rhames have their hands full, as their
southwestern lake is absolutely besieged by hordes of
jackasses on Spring Break. Seriously, they're
practically relieved when the piranhas show up --
they're easier to deal with.
Dreyfuss is killed off in an elaborate fashion -- that
alone was good enough for me.
After killing off Richard Dreyfuss's character from Jaws
in the pre-credits sequence, we head on over to Lake
Wooooo!, where the Ladies of the '80s Tournament
Winning Elizabeth Shue is the local law. She and
Deputy Ving Rhames have their hands full, as their
southwestern lake is absolutely besieged by hordes of
jackasses on Spring Break. Seriously, they're
practically relieved when the piranhas show up --
they're easier to deal with.
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| The '80s: Official Catnip of Generation X |
We also meet E-Shue's teenaged son and the girl he should totally be dating but she's with a
standard-issue douchebag boyfriend. Speaking of standard issue, E-Shue Jr. is saddled with a
precocious kid sister.
standard-issue douchebag boyfriend. Speaking of standard issue, E-Shue Jr. is saddled with a
precocious kid sister.
| We understand that Kelly Brook (above) is quite popular with the boys. |
There is one who stands tall amid the sea of douchiness
and jackassery in this film, and that would be Jerry
O'Connell's "Girls Gone Wild"-esque filmmaker. Wow.
We're kind of in an era where "delightfully dickish"
characters are popular (see "House"), but O'Connell takes it
to a whole new level. If he were a superhero, he'd be called
Assholio. In fact, that's what I'm going to call his character.
Assholio drafts E-Shue Jr. into showing him around town or
whatever.
The fact that Assholio has Kelly Brook in tow certainly
doesn't hurt.
While Kelly Brook is engaging in some underwater aquatics
(insert your own lung-capacity gag here), the demise of
Richard Dreyfuss brings out Adam Scott of "Party Down"
fame and a team of cannon fodder scientists. If you need
help in figuring out what they find, take a second to re-read
the title of the film.
So, E-Shue and Adam Scott have discovered a vicious pack
of nasty CGI piranha. Who are they gonna call?
and jackassery in this film, and that would be Jerry
O'Connell's "Girls Gone Wild"-esque filmmaker. Wow.
We're kind of in an era where "delightfully dickish"
characters are popular (see "House"), but O'Connell takes it
to a whole new level. If he were a superhero, he'd be called
Assholio. In fact, that's what I'm going to call his character.
Assholio drafts E-Shue Jr. into showing him around town or
whatever.
The fact that Assholio has Kelly Brook in tow certainly
doesn't hurt.
While Kelly Brook is engaging in some underwater aquatics
(insert your own lung-capacity gag here), the demise of
Richard Dreyfuss brings out Adam Scott of "Party Down"
fame and a team of cannon fodder scientists. If you need
help in figuring out what they find, take a second to re-read
the title of the film.
So, E-Shue and Adam Scott have discovered a vicious pack
of nasty CGI piranha. Who are they gonna call?
Christopher "Doc Brown" Lloyd, of course. Great Scot! Christopher Lloyd is here to chew scenery
and drop exposition bombs. Turns out that these aren't just piranha but prehistoric piranha. So... I
guess that's like a double patty of badness, yeah?
A good chunk of the movie is devoted to the E-Shue kids in various levels of peril, and since those
kids have nothing to do with the '80s, the movie drags. If you're like me, you're patiently waiting for
the scene where E-Shue and Ving Rhames show up at the Big Party to tell everyone to evacuate.
Hell, Ving has to fire his sidearm, just to get the Spring Breakers' attention. Those kooky college
kids, they promptly ignore the news that they need to evacuate and resume cannonballing into the
lake.
Cue the feeding frenzy.
It's actually an amazing sequence: nothing but wholesale brutality, and it all happens very quickly.
And is it wrong to say that it’s satisfying? Take that, vapid Paris Hilton generation!
Speaking of Paris Hilton, this is a very boob-centric film. If a scene goes by where someone isn’t
and drop exposition bombs. Turns out that these aren't just piranha but prehistoric piranha. So... I
guess that's like a double patty of badness, yeah?
A good chunk of the movie is devoted to the E-Shue kids in various levels of peril, and since those
kids have nothing to do with the '80s, the movie drags. If you're like me, you're patiently waiting for
the scene where E-Shue and Ving Rhames show up at the Big Party to tell everyone to evacuate.
Hell, Ving has to fire his sidearm, just to get the Spring Breakers' attention. Those kooky college
kids, they promptly ignore the news that they need to evacuate and resume cannonballing into the
lake.
Cue the feeding frenzy.
It's actually an amazing sequence: nothing but wholesale brutality, and it all happens very quickly.
And is it wrong to say that it’s satisfying? Take that, vapid Paris Hilton generation!
Speaking of Paris Hilton, this is a very boob-centric film. If a scene goes by where someone isn’t
getting their kit off, then the characters are talking about boobs. In
fact, there are so many euphemisms for breasts here, the film
doubles as a video thesaurus.
(Think that poll is immature? That's nothing compared to the
movie.)
Yes, this film has something for everyone, assuming everyone
likes gore, cheese and boobs (or more specifically: boobs, gore
and cheese). Pirahna 3D also sports Adam Scott playing the role
of an action hero, though I suspect that only appeals to Adam
Scott. So this may be a big budget film (compared to standard
Bargain Bin Review fare), but that doesn’t mean it fails to bring the
goods.
fact, there are so many euphemisms for breasts here, the film
doubles as a video thesaurus.
(Think that poll is immature? That's nothing compared to the
movie.)
Yes, this film has something for everyone, assuming everyone
likes gore, cheese and boobs (or more specifically: boobs, gore
and cheese). Pirahna 3D also sports Adam Scott playing the role
of an action hero, though I suspect that only appeals to Adam
Scott. So this may be a big budget film (compared to standard
Bargain Bin Review fare), but that doesn’t mean it fails to bring the
goods.
If you're a fan of our second opinions, then you're
in for a real treat because we have heaps and
heaps of links for you to check out:
ATTACK FROM PLANET B
FILMARCADE.NET
FULL MOON REVIEWS
GEEKS OF DOOM
in for a real treat because we have heaps and
heaps of links for you to check out:
ATTACK FROM PLANET B
FILMARCADE.NET
FULL MOON REVIEWS
GEEKS OF DOOM
| Nice guess. |