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PATRICK
* * * (1978, 112 minutes, Rated PG)
With the World's Most Stationary Super Villain.
Did you know that there's a movie based on the game Battleship coming out soon? Or that there's
a movie based on Candy Land that's supposed to be "like Lord of the Rings, but with candy"? It
seems like these days, Hollywood will make a movie about anything.
Well, if it will make you feel any better (though I doubt it), making movies out of whatever isn't
unique to modern times. Back in the '70s, the Australian film industry churned out a movie about a
guy in a coma who spits.
Okay, maybe that's not the most thorough description of Patrick. But it's not wrong, either.
Patrick opens with one of those messily edited nonsensical sequences that the '70s were so fond
of: There's a young man sitting slumped in an empty room. He's listening to a couple frocking -- or
is he imagining it? Who can tell? Our young man shambles down the hall, carrying a plugged-in
space heater, and enters a room where a middle-aged couple is splashing around in a hot tub.
* * * (1978, 112 minutes, Rated PG)
With the World's Most Stationary Super Villain.
Did you know that there's a movie based on the game Battleship coming out soon? Or that there's
a movie based on Candy Land that's supposed to be "like Lord of the Rings, but with candy"? It
seems like these days, Hollywood will make a movie about anything.
Well, if it will make you feel any better (though I doubt it), making movies out of whatever isn't
unique to modern times. Back in the '70s, the Australian film industry churned out a movie about a
guy in a coma who spits.
Okay, maybe that's not the most thorough description of Patrick. But it's not wrong, either.
Patrick opens with one of those messily edited nonsensical sequences that the '70s were so fond
of: There's a young man sitting slumped in an empty room. He's listening to a couple frocking -- or
is he imagining it? Who can tell? Our young man shambles down the hall, carrying a plugged-in
space heater, and enters a room where a middle-aged couple is splashing around in a hot tub.
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"Patrick?" crows the lady. The young man tosses
the heater into the hot tub, where the shocked
couple play hot potato with it.
But forget about all that! Post-credits, we're on to
something completely different: The lovely Kathy is
interviewing for a nursing position at a clinic. Kathy
is returning to work for the first time in over three
years because she's just separated from her
husband (harlot!), so the nun conducting the
interview immediately assumes that Kathy is a
lesbian-nympomaniac-pedepheliac-necropheliac-s
omeotherpheliac-enema specialist.
Fortunately for Kathy, the doctor in charge of the
clinic couldn't care less and hires her on the spot.
Her first patient? The young man from the
incoherent opening, Patrick. He's been in a coma
for the past three years. For reasons ever
the heater into the hot tub, where the shocked
couple play hot potato with it.
But forget about all that! Post-credits, we're on to
something completely different: The lovely Kathy is
interviewing for a nursing position at a clinic. Kathy
is returning to work for the first time in over three
years because she's just separated from her
husband (harlot!), so the nun conducting the
interview immediately assumes that Kathy is a
lesbian-nympomaniac-pedepheliac-necropheliac-s
omeotherpheliac-enema specialist.
Fortunately for Kathy, the doctor in charge of the
clinic couldn't care less and hires her on the spot.
Her first patient? The young man from the
incoherent opening, Patrick. He's been in a coma
for the past three years. For reasons ever
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| You know it's the '70s when it takes place in a hot tub. |
explained, the head of the clinic insists on keeping Patrick's eyes open.
Oh, and Patrick also does this random spitting thing.
The Doc explains away the spitting with an odd and sadistic demonstration that involves
Oh, and Patrick also does this random spitting thing.
The Doc explains away the spitting with an odd and sadistic demonstration that involves
| (Above) That kind of doctor. [image by Roberto Campus] |
mutilating a frog (which he happened to have in his
pocket) and then zapping it with a pocket cattle prod
(also in his pocket). Yeah, he's that kind of doctor.
Much of the film is devoted to Kathy trying to restart
her life by settling into her new job, new digs and
meeting a dashing physician "with a case of
Galloping Gonads" (I asked Tom Clift, Friend of The
'Bin, if this was a common problem in Australia -- he
said it's under control). This is all in spite of the
efforts of Kathy's estranged husband, who gets the
line of the film. Upon Kathy's annoyance of him
breaking into her apartment and raping her (!!), he
grumbles, "Jesus, Kathy, I care about you. I'm only
trying to do something about it." Cuz that's how
people rolled in the '70s, I guess.
As Kathy becomes attached to Patrick, she begins
to notice weird things happened around her. Turns
pocket) and then zapping it with a pocket cattle prod
(also in his pocket). Yeah, he's that kind of doctor.
Much of the film is devoted to Kathy trying to restart
her life by settling into her new job, new digs and
meeting a dashing physician "with a case of
Galloping Gonads" (I asked Tom Clift, Friend of The
'Bin, if this was a common problem in Australia -- he
said it's under control). This is all in spite of the
efforts of Kathy's estranged husband, who gets the
line of the film. Upon Kathy's annoyance of him
breaking into her apartment and raping her (!!), he
grumbles, "Jesus, Kathy, I care about you. I'm only
trying to do something about it." Cuz that's how
people rolled in the '70s, I guess.
As Kathy becomes attached to Patrick, she begins
to notice weird things happened around her. Turns
out that Patrick 1) is conscious enough to communicate through his spitting (one loogie for "yes,"
two loogies for "no") and 2) is telekinetic. More spookiness abounds, but honestly, I had a hard
time thinking of Patrick as the Big Bad. Sure, Patrick does some not-so nice things such as
telekinetically pull the Galloping Gonad guy underwater during a swim. But at the end of the day,
all Patrick seems to want is a handjob from Kathy and for everyone else to just keep the window
open, dammit.
It all builds to a big dramatic scene where Kathy and the Galloping Gonad sneak into the clinic for
a late night examination, which leads to... I'm not entirely sure, but the estranged husband gets
trapped in an elevator, the nun goes catatonic and we get some hilarious telekinesis special
effects.
At the risk of sounding like I'm handicapping a horse race, Patrick starts sloppy but comes on
strong down the stretch. Patrick is a slow-moving film that's big on atmosphere and mood.
Fortunately, it does a good enough job of it to pull it off; three-quarters in, I was surprised at how
engrossed I was in the film.
So that's Patrick, about a telekinetic coma patient that spits. Naturally, there's a remake in the
works.
two loogies for "no") and 2) is telekinetic. More spookiness abounds, but honestly, I had a hard
time thinking of Patrick as the Big Bad. Sure, Patrick does some not-so nice things such as
telekinetically pull the Galloping Gonad guy underwater during a swim. But at the end of the day,
all Patrick seems to want is a handjob from Kathy and for everyone else to just keep the window
open, dammit.
It all builds to a big dramatic scene where Kathy and the Galloping Gonad sneak into the clinic for
a late night examination, which leads to... I'm not entirely sure, but the estranged husband gets
trapped in an elevator, the nun goes catatonic and we get some hilarious telekinesis special
effects.
At the risk of sounding like I'm handicapping a horse race, Patrick starts sloppy but comes on
strong down the stretch. Patrick is a slow-moving film that's big on atmosphere and mood.
Fortunately, it does a good enough job of it to pull it off; three-quarters in, I was surprised at how
engrossed I was in the film.
So that's Patrick, about a telekinetic coma patient that spits. Naturally, there's a remake in the
works.
Patrick was discussed on an episode of LAIR OF THE UNWANTED with
special guest TOM CLIFT.
special guest TOM CLIFT.