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KING KONG ESCAPES
* * * (1968, 96 minutes, Rated G)
A.K.A. King Kong vs. Dr. Who
“So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
Like many other things, Dark Helmet from Spaceballs had it wrong. Good isn’t dumb, it’s just dull.
Evil, on the other hand, is inefficient at best... and stupid at worst.
Consider: How many times have we seen a super-villain put the hero in an overly elaborate death
trap and then talk his ear off about every detail of the scheme, allowing the hero to both escape
and foil the plot? And how about those incredibly intricate and imaginative schemes? They’re
often foiled by some unpredicted bumbling by the comic relief, yet the entire scheme is scrapped
afterwards -- you never see the villain try again with an improved version.
Or how about the plot to King Kong Escapes: An unnamed country has tapped an evil genius to pull
a massive amount of the highly radioactive “Element X” from a mining site, so the evil genus
builds… A machine to excavate the area? A big crane? One of those cool exo-suits, like the one
Ripley wore in Aliens?
* * * (1968, 96 minutes, Rated G)
A.K.A. King Kong vs. Dr. Who
“So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
Like many other things, Dark Helmet from Spaceballs had it wrong. Good isn’t dumb, it’s just dull.
Evil, on the other hand, is inefficient at best... and stupid at worst.
Consider: How many times have we seen a super-villain put the hero in an overly elaborate death
trap and then talk his ear off about every detail of the scheme, allowing the hero to both escape
and foil the plot? And how about those incredibly intricate and imaginative schemes? They’re
often foiled by some unpredicted bumbling by the comic relief, yet the entire scheme is scrapped
afterwards -- you never see the villain try again with an improved version.
Or how about the plot to King Kong Escapes: An unnamed country has tapped an evil genius to pull
a massive amount of the highly radioactive “Element X” from a mining site, so the evil genus
builds… A machine to excavate the area? A big crane? One of those cool exo-suits, like the one
Ripley wore in Aliens?
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No, a giant robot ape. Of course.
We get to see the giant robot ape in action
almost from the get-go, as the evil genius
sends it in to fetch the Element X. And why
does this unnamed country want the
Element X? To crank out a nuclear arsenal.
Never mind that they’ve commissioned the
construction of a giant robot ape that could
do plenty of damage on its own.
Unfortunately, the radioactivity shorts out the
giant robot ape’s circuits, so it’s back to the
drawing board.
We get to see the giant robot ape in action
almost from the get-go, as the evil genius
sends it in to fetch the Element X. And why
does this unnamed country want the
Element X? To crank out a nuclear arsenal.
Never mind that they’ve commissioned the
construction of a giant robot ape that could
do plenty of damage on its own.
Unfortunately, the radioactivity shorts out the
giant robot ape’s circuits, so it’s back to the
drawing board.
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| Ripley (above) preparing to move some Element X. |
But that’s not the best part. The best part is that the name of the film's evil genius is Dr. Who.
Enough about the baddies, let’s meet our heroes: They are a couple of United Nations Research
Council submarine commanders (?) -- one American and one Japanese -- who happens to be
amateur Kong enthusiasts. When damage to their sub forces them to doc at Mongo Island for
Enough about the baddies, let’s meet our heroes: They are a couple of United Nations Research
Council submarine commanders (?) -- one American and one Japanese -- who happens to be
amateur Kong enthusiasts. When damage to their sub forces them to doc at Mongo Island for
| Just like this, but with a roof. |
repairs, our commanders and the Cute Nurse
take the sub’s landspeeder (??) into the jungle
for some sightseeing.
And they get some sights indeed! Not only do
they get to see (the Japanese) King Kong, they
see him take on a pair of Godzilla D-listers
(Gorosaurus and Manda), but the Cute Nurse
gets herself a 60-foot tall admirer. Which, for
Kong, is par for the course. He does have a
thing for blondes.
A word about the Japanese Kong… It’s exactly
take the sub’s landspeeder (??) into the jungle
for some sightseeing.
And they get some sights indeed! Not only do
they get to see (the Japanese) King Kong, they
see him take on a pair of Godzilla D-listers
(Gorosaurus and Manda), but the Cute Nurse
gets herself a 60-foot tall admirer. Which, for
Kong, is par for the course. He does have a
thing for blondes.
A word about the Japanese Kong… It’s exactly
as you’d expect: Cheap ape suit (you can see the seams and the flap covering the zipper), paper-
mache face and bongo pectorals. It’s delightfully cheap.
mache face and bongo pectorals. It’s delightfully cheap.
| Kong, Japanese-style. |
Once the commanders announce to the UN that they’ve
discovered King Kong alive and well, Dr. Who has another
brilliantly inefficient idea: Instead of simply fixing the giant
robot ape he’s created, he’ll instead capture King Kong (like
that’ll be easy) and bring him back to the base to hypnotize
him into doing his bidding. Yes, a much simpler plan…
Naturally, Dr. Who is shocked -- SHOCKED! -- when Kong
rejects the hypnotism after five minutes of digging in
radioactivity.
When the commanders and their Cute Nurse return to Mondo
Island and discover that Kong has been kidnapped, the
American Commander immediately knows who did it. Sadly,
that doesn’t stop them from being kidnapped by Dr. Who just
a few scenes later.
After some attempts at seduction, torture and chess, Kong
and our trio escape and make their way to Tokyo. Our heroes
manage to talk down the military (though I somehow doubt
that “I’m with the UN!” would fly in the real world) as Dr. Who
discovered King Kong alive and well, Dr. Who has another
brilliantly inefficient idea: Instead of simply fixing the giant
robot ape he’s created, he’ll instead capture King Kong (like
that’ll be easy) and bring him back to the base to hypnotize
him into doing his bidding. Yes, a much simpler plan…
Naturally, Dr. Who is shocked -- SHOCKED! -- when Kong
rejects the hypnotism after five minutes of digging in
radioactivity.
When the commanders and their Cute Nurse return to Mondo
Island and discover that Kong has been kidnapped, the
American Commander immediately knows who did it. Sadly,
that doesn’t stop them from being kidnapped by Dr. Who just
a few scenes later.
After some attempts at seduction, torture and chess, Kong
and our trio escape and make their way to Tokyo. Our heroes
manage to talk down the military (though I somehow doubt
that “I’m with the UN!” would fly in the real world) as Dr. Who
pursues Kong with his now re-functional Mecha-Kong.
Yes, it takes until the last 15 minutes of the film to see these two face off. At least it’s an inspired
battle as the two fight from on top of Tokyo Tower (sanity check: Kong and Mecha-Kong are both
Yes, it takes until the last 15 minutes of the film to see these two face off. At least it’s an inspired
battle as the two fight from on top of Tokyo Tower (sanity check: Kong and Mecha-Kong are both
| Tokyo Tower (above) may look just like the Eiffel Tower, but it's actually 42 feet taller. Suck it, France! |
approximately 150 feet tall, and Tokyo
Tower stands over 1,000 feet tall).
That’s a big step up from the usual
mysteriously flat and barren
countryside where so many giant
monster battles take place.
Between the battle up Tokyo Tower
and the top-shelf camp of Dr. Who,
King Kong Escapes turns out to be a
delightfully bad film.
Tower stands over 1,000 feet tall).
That’s a big step up from the usual
mysteriously flat and barren
countryside where so many giant
monster battles take place.
Between the battle up Tokyo Tower
and the top-shelf camp of Dr. Who,
King Kong Escapes turns out to be a
delightfully bad film.
If you're jonesing for more King Kong Escapes goodness, you can catch a
second opinion of the movie over at
HellHorror.com
WTF-Films.com
second opinion of the movie over at
HellHorror.com
WTF-Films.com