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KISS EXPOSED
* * * (1987, 90 minutes, Unrated)
Lifestyles of the KISS and Famous
The documentary opens with a stuffed shirt warning us that the following film may “disgust” or
“titillate” us -- I would have gone with a third option, but okay -- and assures us that everything in
the film is 100% true. Then he gets hit with multiple cream pies. Because it’s gonna be like that.
Netflix says KISS Exposed came out in 2002. Perhaps that’s when it came out on DVD, cuz
otherwise, they're off a solid 15 years. In case it wasn't obvious enough that this takes place shortly
* * * (1987, 90 minutes, Unrated)
Lifestyles of the KISS and Famous
The documentary opens with a stuffed shirt warning us that the following film may “disgust” or
“titillate” us -- I would have gone with a third option, but okay -- and assures us that everything in
the film is 100% true. Then he gets hit with multiple cream pies. Because it’s gonna be like that.
Netflix says KISS Exposed came out in 2002. Perhaps that’s when it came out on DVD, cuz
otherwise, they're off a solid 15 years. In case it wasn't obvious enough that this takes place shortly
 |
after KISS unmasked, here comes The Ultimate ‘80s
Geek. He comes complete with high-waters, ill-fitting
sports jacket, coke bottle glasses and his own
cameraman to Paul Stanley’s doorstep to film a
documentary on KISS. Being an ‘80s rock star, the
noontime guests woke up Paul Stanley, who answers
his own door (despite the presence of a butler) in nothing
but a necktie and Hammer pants.
Geek. He comes complete with high-waters, ill-fitting
sports jacket, coke bottle glasses and his own
cameraman to Paul Stanley’s doorstep to film a
documentary on KISS. Being an ‘80s rock star, the
noontime guests woke up Paul Stanley, who answers
his own door (despite the presence of a butler) in nothing
but a necktie and Hammer pants.
| Liar. |
Paul begrudgingly lets them in, and we learn a few things about Mr. Stanley:
Paul isn’t too impressed with the proceedings until he learns that our Ultimate ‘80s Geek has an
unedited copy of the “Who Wants To Be Lonely” music video. Roll film!
Yes, this entire feature exists largely to string together music videos and concert footage. KISS
Exposed does a good job of providing both in-makeup concert footage and out-of-makeup music
videos. You can check out the complete song list in the Side Bar.
The first two music videos, “Who Wants To Be Lonely” and “Uh All Night,” feature KISS out of
makeup and in full-on glam rock mode. It’s a move that paid off for the band at the time, but feels
- His doorbell chimes the chorus to “Rock and Roll All Nite”;
- His mansion is littered with scantly clad women in various degrees of consciousness; and
- He shares his bed with at least four women named Carol and a chimp dressed up as
Sonny Crockett.
Paul isn’t too impressed with the proceedings until he learns that our Ultimate ‘80s Geek has an
unedited copy of the “Who Wants To Be Lonely” music video. Roll film!
Yes, this entire feature exists largely to string together music videos and concert footage. KISS
Exposed does a good job of providing both in-makeup concert footage and out-of-makeup music
videos. You can check out the complete song list in the Side Bar.
The first two music videos, “Who Wants To Be Lonely” and “Uh All Night,” feature KISS out of
makeup and in full-on glam rock mode. It’s a move that paid off for the band at the time, but feels
| SIDE BAR SONG LIST (* concert footage) |
| It's probably best that this picture isn't in focus. |
a bit disappointing now. Oh, the songs are fine and Paul
Stanley is clearly in his element here, but it feels less like
KISS and more like a mis-cast Cinderella video. And it’s
increasingly obvious in the post-makeup videos that Gene
Simmons wasn’t comfortable letting go of his Demon
persona, as he continues to glare into the camera, looking
like he’s on the verge of biting off the head of a toddler.
Speaking of Gene Simmons, it’s good to see that he didn’t
lose his sense of showmanship along with the makeup.
When we get to see his “room” -- Gene Simmons lives
with Paul Stanley? -- it’s roughly the size of a school
cafeteria and looks like an Ozzy Osborne album cover.
Stanley is clearly in his element here, but it feels less like
KISS and more like a mis-cast Cinderella video. And it’s
increasingly obvious in the post-makeup videos that Gene
Simmons wasn’t comfortable letting go of his Demon
persona, as he continues to glare into the camera, looking
like he’s on the verge of biting off the head of a toddler.
Speaking of Gene Simmons, it’s good to see that he didn’t
lose his sense of showmanship along with the makeup.
When we get to see his “room” -- Gene Simmons lives
with Paul Stanley? -- it’s roughly the size of a school
cafeteria and looks like an Ozzy Osborne album cover.
Yes, I'm jealous.
Nestled in among all the obvious farce (“Paul Stanley’s Workout Video“?) and the myriad of bikini
models (who suddenly opt to go topless around the 56-minute mark) are nuggets of actual fact
and KISS history. We get stories from Paul and Gene about the early days of the band, how they
came up with the name KISS and more. Paul and Gene do a fair bit of bantering, including this bit
which is even funnier when you factor in Paul’s slight lisp:
Nestled in among all the obvious farce (“Paul Stanley’s Workout Video“?) and the myriad of bikini
models (who suddenly opt to go topless around the 56-minute mark) are nuggets of actual fact
and KISS history. We get stories from Paul and Gene about the early days of the band, how they
came up with the name KISS and more. Paul and Gene do a fair bit of bantering, including this bit
which is even funnier when you factor in Paul’s slight lisp:
PAUL: I just want to make one point: You know, if we’re into anything, it’s not post-nuclear holocaust, post-nuclear war. We’re into Post Raisin Bran, post nasal drip, the U.S. Postal Service, what have you. GENE: Post Toasties? PAUL: Post Toasties. |
As I mentioned earlier, there’s plenty of concert material in the film.
Some of the best moments include a performance at a club in San
Francisco during KISS’s early days and stage shenanigans such
as Ace Frehley’s guitar catching fire and Gene Simmons spitting
blood.
Of course, not all historical material is good. For as mortified as
KISS may be about KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, they
should be just as mortified by their hilariously dated video for “Lick
It Up.” And the video for “All Hell’s Broken Loose” plays like a
parody of an ‘80s rock video. I’ll only subject you to the “rap”
portion of the song (cuz that’s all YouTube will let me embed):
Some of the best moments include a performance at a club in San
Francisco during KISS’s early days and stage shenanigans such
as Ace Frehley’s guitar catching fire and Gene Simmons spitting
blood.
Of course, not all historical material is good. For as mortified as
KISS may be about KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, they
should be just as mortified by their hilariously dated video for “Lick
It Up.” And the video for “All Hell’s Broken Loose” plays like a
parody of an ‘80s rock video. I’ll only subject you to the “rap”
portion of the song (cuz that’s all YouTube will let me embed):
Know what’s not in this documentary? The other members of the band. I understand that Eric
Carr and Bruce Kulick aren’t founding members, but they were both long-standing members who
probably deserve more than a cameo.
The film predictably ends with a performance of “Rock and Roll All Nite,” followed by slow motion
footage of Gene showing off his tongue. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve seen that would be
greatly improved by ending on Gene Simmon’s tongue.
Carr and Bruce Kulick aren’t founding members, but they were both long-standing members who
probably deserve more than a cameo.
The film predictably ends with a performance of “Rock and Roll All Nite,” followed by slow motion
footage of Gene showing off his tongue. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve seen that would be
greatly improved by ending on Gene Simmon’s tongue.
| The perfect ending. |