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HOUSE (HAUSU)
* * * (1977, 88 minutes, Unrated)
Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?
IN A HURRY? CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW IN THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
It’s B-Movie Meatloaf time, and someone thought it’d be a good idea to do Japanese Horror.
Here's the thing: I don’t know that many b-movie Japanese horror films. I could’ve submitted Bio
Zombie and be done with it, but I like to open myself up to new movies that I haven’t seen. So I
quickly decided to go with the super crazy Japanese horror movie House, which I’d been dying to
see, before my podcasting partner Jason Soto grabbed it. Heh heh.
Well, I think the joke is on me, because “super crazy” doesn’t even scratch the surface of House. I
could bash my head into the keyboard until I lose consciousness, and my forehead typing will
make more sense than this film.
Nearly as incoherent is the story behind the development of House: Following the success of Jaws,
Toho Pictures came to noted commercial director Nobuhiko Obayashi to develop a similar script.
* * * (1977, 88 minutes, Unrated)
Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?
IN A HURRY? CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW IN THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
It’s B-Movie Meatloaf time, and someone thought it’d be a good idea to do Japanese Horror.
Here's the thing: I don’t know that many b-movie Japanese horror films. I could’ve submitted Bio
Zombie and be done with it, but I like to open myself up to new movies that I haven’t seen. So I
quickly decided to go with the super crazy Japanese horror movie House, which I’d been dying to
see, before my podcasting partner Jason Soto grabbed it. Heh heh.
Well, I think the joke is on me, because “super crazy” doesn’t even scratch the surface of House. I
could bash my head into the keyboard until I lose consciousness, and my forehead typing will
make more sense than this film.
Nearly as incoherent is the story behind the development of House: Following the success of Jaws,
Toho Pictures came to noted commercial director Nobuhiko Obayashi to develop a similar script.
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Somehow, Obayashi took the concept of a
great white shark terrorizing a beach town
and came up with a psychedelic haunted
house.
Despite the fact that Toho asked for apples
and received gazpacho, the studio greenlit
the project. The script sat for two full years
because all of the Toho directors thought
that making the film would end their careers.
Finally, Toho let Obayashi direct it himself.
As Obayashi recalled later, the studio was
tired of losing money on completely
comprehensible films and was ready to let
him produce his own incomprehensible film.
great white shark terrorizing a beach town
and came up with a psychedelic haunted
house.
Despite the fact that Toho asked for apples
and received gazpacho, the studio greenlit
the project. The script sat for two full years
because all of the Toho directors thought
that making the film would end their careers.
Finally, Toho let Obayashi direct it himself.
As Obayashi recalled later, the studio was
tired of losing money on completely
comprehensible films and was ready to let
him produce his own incomprehensible film.
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| Official entry into the B-Movie Meatloaf! |
| You can hardly tell the two apart... |
All very interesting, eh? And yes, I have been trying to avoid talking about the film itself.
Here’s my best shot: The story centers around a group of schoolgirls with nicknames that serve
as shortcuts to character development: “Gorgeous” is very stylish, “Fantasy” is the dreamer, “Prof”
is brainy, “Melody” plays instruments, “Sweet” is sweet, “Mac” is always eating and “Kung Fu”…
you get the idea.
Here’s my best shot: The story centers around a group of schoolgirls with nicknames that serve
as shortcuts to character development: “Gorgeous” is very stylish, “Fantasy” is the dreamer, “Prof”
is brainy, “Melody” plays instruments, “Sweet” is sweet, “Mac” is always eating and “Kung Fu”…
you get the idea.
| The main characters of House are just like this, but in schoolgirl uniforms. |
Days before their school break, Gorgeous learns
from her widower dad (who does music for Sergio
Leone films!) that he’s involved with a younger
woman who he is now engaged to. The moment
where Dad breaks the news to Gorgeous provides
the greatest subtitles I’ve ever seen:
She is going to be your mom… I wanted
to tell you earlier. She’s a jewelry
designer. She’s surprisingly good at
cooking, and other things, too.
I bet.
Gorgeous doesn’t take the news well in the least,
from her widower dad (who does music for Sergio
Leone films!) that he’s involved with a younger
woman who he is now engaged to. The moment
where Dad breaks the news to Gorgeous provides
the greatest subtitles I’ve ever seen:
She is going to be your mom… I wanted
to tell you earlier. She’s a jewelry
designer. She’s surprisingly good at
cooking, and other things, too.
I bet.
Gorgeous doesn’t take the news well in the least,
and she ends up writing her mother’s sister to see if she could pay a visit. Soon, Gorgeous and
the gang, along with a friendly stray cat Gorgeous has named Blanche, are all en route to Auntie’s
titular house…
But see, that right there makes the film sound coherent, because a run-through of the plot doesn’t
take into account the intensely upbeat music, the constantly changing camera effects, the
overuse of fades and transitions or the obvious studio sets. This film may be billed as a horror
movie, but everything about it screams “Shagadellic!”
the gang, along with a friendly stray cat Gorgeous has named Blanche, are all en route to Auntie’s
titular house…
But see, that right there makes the film sound coherent, because a run-through of the plot doesn’t
take into account the intensely upbeat music, the constantly changing camera effects, the
overuse of fades and transitions or the obvious studio sets. This film may be billed as a horror
movie, but everything about it screams “Shagadellic!”
| If House had focused more on the girls' hip but clueless teacher, Mr. Togo, then it would have been like Austin Powers: The Horror Movie. |
The girls pick up a watermelon as a gift -- no,
that's not part of the film’s kookiness but an actual
Japanese custom -- and no one notices that
Auntie seems a bit… off. She’s apparently been
living alone for a long time and has taken to talking
with her household appliances. Also, Blanche
suddenly has telekinetic powers and can break
cameras with her mind.
You know I’m not one for the potty mouth, but here
is where the film goes absolutely fucking bat-shit
crazy:
After dinner, Mac goes to the well where the
watermelon has been chilling… and never comes
back. Fantasy goes looking for her, and sees that
the watermelon appears to still be in the well. She
pulls up the rope, and in the bucket on the other
that's not part of the film’s kookiness but an actual
Japanese custom -- and no one notices that
Auntie seems a bit… off. She’s apparently been
living alone for a long time and has taken to talking
with her household appliances. Also, Blanche
suddenly has telekinetic powers and can break
cameras with her mind.
You know I’m not one for the potty mouth, but here
is where the film goes absolutely fucking bat-shit
crazy:
After dinner, Mac goes to the well where the
watermelon has been chilling… and never comes
back. Fantasy goes looking for her, and sees that
the watermelon appears to still be in the well. She
pulls up the rope, and in the bucket on the other
end is… Mac’s head. Which calls out Fantasy’s name. And then flies around. And then bites
Fantasy in the ass.
A good chunk of the next half hour is devoted to delightfully and whimsically watching Fantasy’s
sanity erode, thanks largely to the “witch cat,” Blanche. Auntie starts using her refrigerator to
teleport around the house, Sweet gets attacked by a pile of mattresses and I still can’t figure out
what exactly happens to Gorgeous.
Also, this happens:
Fantasy in the ass.
A good chunk of the next half hour is devoted to delightfully and whimsically watching Fantasy’s
sanity erode, thanks largely to the “witch cat,” Blanche. Auntie starts using her refrigerator to
teleport around the house, Sweet gets attacked by a pile of mattresses and I still can’t figure out
what exactly happens to Gorgeous.
Also, this happens:
You see what I’m dealing with here? Simply writing “Melody is eaten by a piano” just doesn’t cut
it.
Netflix describes this film as a “psychedelic nightmare,” and they’re certainly right about the
psychedelic part. In some ways, this film reminds me of Army of Darkness -- despite being a
sequel to Evil Dead and the copious amounts of demons and gore, you’d be hard-pressed to
think of Army of Darkness as a “horror” movie. I mean, jeez, House is the kind of film where one
character literally turns into a pile of bananas.
I don’t think there are enough drugs in the world to make sense of this film… but maybe we’re
not supposed to make sense of it. Maybe the point is that things shouldn’t make sense when
we’re dealing with ghosts and haunted houses.
Or maybe I just need to lay down for a while…
it.
Netflix describes this film as a “psychedelic nightmare,” and they’re certainly right about the
psychedelic part. In some ways, this film reminds me of Army of Darkness -- despite being a
sequel to Evil Dead and the copious amounts of demons and gore, you’d be hard-pressed to
think of Army of Darkness as a “horror” movie. I mean, jeez, House is the kind of film where one
character literally turns into a pile of bananas.
I don’t think there are enough drugs in the world to make sense of this film… but maybe we’re
not supposed to make sense of it. Maybe the point is that things shouldn’t make sense when
we’re dealing with ghosts and haunted houses.
Or maybe I just need to lay down for a while…
While Nolahn gets an ice pack for his head, feel free to check out these
second opinions:
THE AV CLUB
STRICTLY SPLATTER
WTF-FILMS.COM
second opinions:
THE AV CLUB
STRICTLY SPLATTER
WTF-FILMS.COM