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GODZILLA AND MOTHRA:
BATTLE FOR EARTH
* * * * (1991, 102 minutes, Unrated)
A.K.A. Godzilla and the Caterpillars of Doom
IN A HURRY? CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW IN THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
There are only so many ways a Godzilla movie begins, and this one goes with Option B: a meteor
“approximately 96.25 meters in diameter” crashes into the Sea of Japan. The meteor not only
wakes up Godzilla from his underwater slumber, but causes a typhoon that unearths… a giant
egg! The Horns of Ominous Vibes tells us this isn’t a good thing.
We interrupt this Godzilla film for a Japanese knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I didn’t know
Japan had its own version of The Asylum. In the ancient jungle ruins of a temple, Japan’s Indiana
BATTLE FOR EARTH
* * * * (1991, 102 minutes, Unrated)
A.K.A. Godzilla and the Caterpillars of Doom
IN A HURRY? CHECK OUT OUR MINI-REVIEW IN THE UTICA OBSERVER-DISPATCH!
There are only so many ways a Godzilla movie begins, and this one goes with Option B: a meteor
“approximately 96.25 meters in diameter” crashes into the Sea of Japan. The meteor not only
wakes up Godzilla from his underwater slumber, but causes a typhoon that unearths… a giant
egg! The Horns of Ominous Vibes tells us this isn’t a good thing.
We interrupt this Godzilla film for a Japanese knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I didn’t know
Japan had its own version of The Asylum. In the ancient jungle ruins of a temple, Japan’s Indiana
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Jones carefully swipes a statue off its
pedestal (drink!), causing the entire
place to collapse (drink!). JIJ runs and
leaps and tumbles into the next
chamber, and into another booby trap
(drink!). When JIJ finally crawls out of the
temple, he finds numerous weapons in
his face (drink!). Wouldn’t you know it,
Japan takes grave robbing very seriously.
A Big Corporation, at the behest of JIJ’s
archaeologist ex-wife, offers to bail JIJ
out of the can if he’ll help them obtain the
giant egg from the opening of the film.
Before you know it, JIJ, Mrs. JIJ and Big
Corp’s Suit Stooge are off to Infant
pedestal (drink!), causing the entire
place to collapse (drink!). JIJ runs and
leaps and tumbles into the next
chamber, and into another booby trap
(drink!). When JIJ finally crawls out of the
temple, he finds numerous weapons in
his face (drink!). Wouldn’t you know it,
Japan takes grave robbing very seriously.
A Big Corporation, at the behest of JIJ’s
archaeologist ex-wife, offers to bail JIJ
out of the can if he’ll help them obtain the
giant egg from the opening of the film.
Before you know it, JIJ, Mrs. JIJ and Big
Corp’s Suit Stooge are off to Infant
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BEFORE WE BEGIN...
As you may know, I’m not only a connoisseur of terrible films and a multimedia personality,
I’m also a father. And this past week, I reached a very special milestone as a parent… a
moment I’ve been looking forward to ever since my first Nolahnette came babbling into the
world.
The Nolahnettes asked to watch a Godzilla movie.
As you may know, I’m not only a connoisseur of terrible films and a multimedia personality,
I’m also a father. And this past week, I reached a very special milestone as a parent… a
moment I’ve been looking forward to ever since my first Nolahnette came babbling into the
world.
The Nolahnettes asked to watch a Godzilla movie.
“Can we watch this?” they asked, holding up my VHS copy of Godzilla 2000.
Naturally, I replied, “No, you may not. There are better Godzilla movies you should see first.”
After much deliberation and consideration as to which should be their first Godzilla movie, we
popped up a tub of popcorn and settled in together to watch…
Naturally, I replied, “No, you may not. There are better Godzilla movies you should see first.”
After much deliberation and consideration as to which should be their first Godzilla movie, we
popped up a tub of popcorn and settled in together to watch…
| The Japanese Indiana Jones is exactly like this, but Japanese. |
Island (don't bother looking for it in an atlas). Amazingly, the filmmakers refrained from showing
them travel across a world map via red dotted line.
The Suit Stooge is something to behold: He tromps through the jungle in his business suit and tie,
despite having packed for the trip -- it’s not like this was a spur-of-the-moment excursion. Suit
them travel across a world map via red dotted line.
The Suit Stooge is something to behold: He tromps through the jungle in his business suit and tie,
despite having packed for the trip -- it’s not like this was a spur-of-the-moment excursion. Suit
| Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan is better suited for jungle exploration as he is above than the Suit Stooge in Godzilla and Mothra: Battle for Earth. |
Stooge later mentions that he trained to be a
ranger. Seriously? Like a park ranger? A Power
Ranger? A Texas Ranger?
After pausing for a ham-fisted environmental
message, our trio crosses a ravine via a rickety rope
bridge that breaks halfway across (drink!) and
enters an ancient vault where a beam of sunlight
points out where they need to go (drink!). And
presto! -- they find the giant egg and the world-
famous tiny Mothra fairy twins.
The tiny twins aren’t just there because of
contractual obligations -- they’re dropping a big ol’
exposition bomb. Their schpiel inspires the Suit
Stooge to let loose this nugget: “My company has
killed many forests… I feel very guilty.“ But the big
take-away is the existence of Battra, who can best
be described this way:
ranger. Seriously? Like a park ranger? A Power
Ranger? A Texas Ranger?
After pausing for a ham-fisted environmental
message, our trio crosses a ravine via a rickety rope
bridge that breaks halfway across (drink!) and
enters an ancient vault where a beam of sunlight
points out where they need to go (drink!). And
presto! -- they find the giant egg and the world-
famous tiny Mothra fairy twins.
The tiny twins aren’t just there because of
contractual obligations -- they’re dropping a big ol’
exposition bomb. Their schpiel inspires the Suit
Stooge to let loose this nugget: “My company has
killed many forests… I feel very guilty.“ But the big
take-away is the existence of Battra, who can best
be described this way:
+
=
Our trio boat back to Japan with the twins and the giant egg in (literal) tow when Godzilla pops up
hungry for a little soft boiled goodness. Larva Mothra hatches just in time, and bites Godzilla on
hungry for a little soft boiled goodness. Larva Mothra hatches just in time, and bites Godzilla on
the tail tip for his efforts.
Larva Battra shows up to get
in on the action, and makes
the mistake of blasting
Godzilla in the process.
Godzilla and Larva Battra go
at it underwater, and both
eventually fall into an
underwater volcano (?).
The end.
Larva Battra shows up to get
in on the action, and makes
the mistake of blasting
Godzilla in the process.
Godzilla and Larva Battra go
at it underwater, and both
eventually fall into an
underwater volcano (?).
The end.
| Breakfast-time for Godzilla |
Oh wait, no. There’s still plenty more, with the Suit Stooge stealing the twins for Big Corp and a
side order of divorce drama. And yes, there are the obligatory scenes featuring the roll-out of
ineffective tanks, of monsters plowing through model buildings and a musical number or two by
the tiny twins.
It all builds to a triple threat match in an excellent model of Yokohama. And I’m giddy to report that
side order of divorce drama. And yes, there are the obligatory scenes featuring the roll-out of
ineffective tanks, of monsters plowing through model buildings and a musical number or two by
the tiny twins.
It all builds to a triple threat match in an excellent model of Yokohama. And I’m giddy to report that
| Yokohama (above), awaiting a monster attack. |
the climax includes a moment where
two of the monsters “talk” to each other
-- nearly a minute of eeking and rwirling
while everyone looks on.
The Nolahnettes loved this movie. I
love this movie. There are definitely
campier and wilder Godzilla films, but
few are as solid and well-made from
top to bottom than this one. This is a
highly recommended entry into the
pantheon.
two of the monsters “talk” to each other
-- nearly a minute of eeking and rwirling
while everyone looks on.
The Nolahnettes loved this movie. I
love this movie. There are definitely
campier and wilder Godzilla films, but
few are as solid and well-made from
top to bottom than this one. This is a
highly recommended entry into the
pantheon.