GLEN OR GLENDA
* * (1953, 68 minutes, Unrated)
"PULL THE STRING!!"

Glen or Glenda
came to me as a Reader Recommendation, but this is a film that I would have
taken on at some point all on my own.  This film is Ed Wood’s directorial debut, a film I was aware
of long before the Bargain Bin Review was a twinkle in my eye… I’m actually a bit surprised it took
me so long to get around to it.

I don’t think I’m any better off for having seen it, but at least I can check
Glen or Glenda off my To Do
List.

Glen or Glenda opens with an entire block of text.  It’s all Ed Wood-speak: promises of “stark
realism” and “all the facts,” which makes the coming campiness all the more awesome.  We then
go to Bela “Don’t call me Dracula” Lugosi reading a book, and the Horns of Horror tell us that we
should all be peeing our pants right about now.  I mean, it’s
Bela Lugosi!  Reading!
Bookmark and Share
Google
I need to mention that behind Bela is a bookshelf with
various books, knick-knacks, and a cheesy-looking skeleton
hanging off the side.  I can only assume that these scenes
were shot in Bela Lugosi’s living room.  Bela babbles, and
then LIGHTNING!, and suddenly Bela is playing with his Mr.
Chemistry set.

I’d love to tell you what Bela is talking about in these scenes,
but between his accent and Ed Wood’s dialogue, I have no
earthly idea.  Something about being displeased with the
world’s hustle and bustle and the circle of life and hakuna
matata or whatever.  Bela then sets up the story we’re about
to see, already in progress.

A rather, ah, suspicious-looking lady is neatly resting on a
day bed, pretending to be dead.  About a half dozen cops
spill into the room, along with a hard-nosed detective, a
doctor and a newspaper photographer, because this is
Large Association of Movie Blogs
CHECK OUT
OUR SISTER SITE
BLOGGIN'
BIN REVUE
Glen or Glenda movie poster
Bela Lugosi is Dracula
Amazingly, Wood refrained
from making Bela Lugosi wear
his Dracula cape.
apparently the slowest news day ever.  The suicide note mentions that the suspicious-looking lady
had been arrested for the fourth time for cross-dressing in public (a-ha!).  The hard-nose detective
simply nods, as if committing suicide in this instance was a perfectly reasonable solution.

Later, the hard-nosed detective goes to his shrink buddy for advice on how to keep cross-dressers
from killing themselves, and I can’t tell you how bummed out I was to discover that the hard-nosed
detective didn’t dabble in cross-dressing himself.  Missed opportunity right there, Mr. Wood.  

The hard-nosed detective and his shrink buddy talk in circles for a while, until even the shrink is
confused and has to ask if they’re talking about the suicide of the transvestite.  “If that’s the word
you Men of Medical Science use for a man who wears women’s clothing, yes.”  
The shrink eventually agrees to tell the stories of
two different transvestites.  Our gung-ho detective
quickly -- a little too quickly, perhaps? -- says that
he wants to hear the stories “to the fullest.”

The shrink gets all glassy-eyed, or maybe he just
had gas, and says, “Only the infinity of the depths
of a man’s mind can really tell the story.”  Oh my.  
At least Bela approves.

We now, at long last, get to the story of Glen and/or
Glenda.  For those of you keeping track, that
makes Glen/Glenda a story within a story within a
story, and possibly the inspiration for
Inception.  
Let that sink in a moment.
Man of Medical Science
In case you're wondering, this is what
Google's Image search comes up with
for "Men of Medical Science."
A newspaper headline reads WORLD SHOCKED BY SEX CHANGE, and the shrink asks us “Why is
the modern world shocked by this headline?”  Obviously, that’s the wrong question to ask, for the
world is shocked by the sex change, not the newspaper’s headline.  And since the world already
knew it was shocked by the sex change, the headline shouldn’t have been much of a surprise at all.

We spend a fair bit of time watching Glen (Ed Wood, credited as “Daniel Davis”) window-shopping
while dressed as Glenda.  The narration is awesomely all over the place, at one point comparing
sex changes to advances in aviation and that the hats men wear cuts off the blood flow to the head,
leading to baldness.  The narration later implying that men dress in women’s clothing because
men’s casual attire is inherently uncomfortable.
The Sopranos
(above) "Inherently uncomfortable" casual
attire for men.
So here’s the deal with Glen: He’s engaged to
this real swell girl, Barbara (Dolores Fuller, Ed
Wood’s girlfriend at the time), but she doesn’t
know about his cross-dressing -- or his desire
to wear her angora sweater -- and he’s
struggling to tell her.  At one point, Barbara
asks Glen if there’s another woman, and that
kicks us all the way back up to Bela Lugosi.  
“PULL THE STRING!! PULL THE STRING!!”  
Bela bellows as stock footage of a buffalo
stampede is superimposed over him.

I don’t know what any of that is about, but it’s a
pretty awesome moment.

Unfortunately, this is where the film falls apart.  
See,
Glen or Glenda would have worked
beautifully as one of those old school shorts
that were so often featured on “Mystery Science Theater 3000.”  But as a feature film, it struggles just
to fill its meager 68 minute run time.  The plight of someone considering a sex change is hashed
over repeatedly, and let me be the first to tell you that having the conversation accompanied by stock
footage from an iron smelting plant doesn’t help.  

Even after Glen confides in another cross-dresser, who basically tells Glen to nut up or shut up, we
have to sit through an endless dream sequence/interpretive dance.

Finally, FINALLY, Glen tells Barbara about Glenda, and we’re treated to some of the worst acting I’ve
ever seen.  Because the scene is narrated, we get lots of Big Acting Gestures from Ms. Fuller as she
seems to physically wrestle with the revelation.  Ultimately, she surrenders her prized angora
sweater, so that all ends on a happy note.
Glen or Glenda angora sweater
Ed Wood's idea of a happy ending.
The story of Alan/Anne is barely worth
mentioning.  Long story short: Alan’s
parents didn’t love him, his mom wanted a
girl and made him do housework, blah
blah blah, he’s a tranny and ultimately gets
a sex change.  Amusingly, the shrink
seems get himself a bit worked up when
describing Alan’s feminine attributes.

Leonard Maltin has said that
Glen or
Glenda
-- and not the infamous Plan 9
From Outer Space
-- may be the worst film
ever made, and I’d have to agree.  

Yes,
Glen or Glenda is surprisingly
progressive for its era… but as I mentioned before, it’s essentially a short stretched out to fill 68
minutes.  The film is also genreless, plotless, overly melodramatic and, at times, completely
random.  

In other words, you should see it at least once.
Looking for a second opinion on this Ed Wood classic?  Why not see what
some of our Friends of The 'Bin had to say...

BADMOVIES.ORG

MECHA-BLOG-ZILLA