BARGAIN BIN REVIEW
Reviewing the movies
no one else will touch.
no one else will touch.
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THE DEATHLESS DEVIL
* * * * (1973, 85 minutes, Unrated)
Traditional superhero movie, Turkish style.
There is a federal mandate that states any superhero blockbuster must start its franchise with a dull
and drawn-out origins story. You know it's true: we've seen it over and over and over and over and
over and over again. Where can we find another way to get the job done? The answer, of course,
is Turkey.
Yes, the Turkish filmmakers of the 1970s -- clearly the best and brightest of the age -- had the right
idea: cram every single bit of the origin story into one scene of heavy exposition. Consider this
early scene, where a businessman lays it all out for his grown son, Tekin...
1) I once knew this guy who fought evil and injustice as a hero named Copperhead.
2) Copperhead wore a luchador mask and would leave these little ceramic snake paperweight
as his mark, both of which I just so happen to have right here in the top drawer of my desk. See?
3) Copperhead never used a gun, preferring to personally beat the ever-loving crap out of people
with his bare hands.
4) You're not my son -- this Copperhead guy is your real father. He gave me custody of you
while I watched him die.
5) Your real father was murdered by a man named Doctor Satan. He's evil.
6) So... Here's the mask and snake. Have fun!
Tekin takes this all very well. And just for a bit of extra motivation, one of Doctor Satan's henchmen
bumps off Papa Suit (and just to be extra evil, Papa Suit's secretary) while Tekin is in the can.
Tekin shows up and makes with the fisticuffs, quickly proving that he's a truly talented fighter by
teleporting himself and the assassin to the roof and back halfway through the fight.
* * * * (1973, 85 minutes, Unrated)
Traditional superhero movie, Turkish style.
There is a federal mandate that states any superhero blockbuster must start its franchise with a dull
and drawn-out origins story. You know it's true: we've seen it over and over and over and over and
over and over again. Where can we find another way to get the job done? The answer, of course,
is Turkey.
Yes, the Turkish filmmakers of the 1970s -- clearly the best and brightest of the age -- had the right
idea: cram every single bit of the origin story into one scene of heavy exposition. Consider this
early scene, where a businessman lays it all out for his grown son, Tekin...
1) I once knew this guy who fought evil and injustice as a hero named Copperhead.
2) Copperhead wore a luchador mask and would leave these little ceramic snake paperweight
as his mark, both of which I just so happen to have right here in the top drawer of my desk. See?
3) Copperhead never used a gun, preferring to personally beat the ever-loving crap out of people
with his bare hands.
4) You're not my son -- this Copperhead guy is your real father. He gave me custody of you
while I watched him die.
5) Your real father was murdered by a man named Doctor Satan. He's evil.
6) So... Here's the mask and snake. Have fun!
Tekin takes this all very well. And just for a bit of extra motivation, one of Doctor Satan's henchmen
bumps off Papa Suit (and just to be extra evil, Papa Suit's secretary) while Tekin is in the can.
Tekin shows up and makes with the fisticuffs, quickly proving that he's a truly talented fighter by
teleporting himself and the assassin to the roof and back halfway through the fight.
It turns out that Doctor Satan is after The Professor's cutting edge invention. That invention?
Unmanned aircrafts! As one military officer says, "With your invention, we really lead the pack!"
Also, Doctor Satan has outfitted all of his henchmen with a car stereo strapped to their bellies.
Those car stereos cause the thugs to fart to death after they've said too much about Doc Satan's
nefarious plans.
Here's where things get a bit incoherent:
Because the Professor is in grave danger, Tekin and his sidekick, the Turkish version of Morey
Amsterdam, are assigned by some random old guy to "solve the case." After stopping so Morey
can put on a Sherlock Holmes costume (really), the two speed off to catch the Professor's train.
And by "catch the train," I mean "find an overpass from which Tekin can jump onto the train." Our
man is too late -- Doc Satan has knocked the Professor out personally. May I add, Doc Satan's
facial hair is fantastic.
Speaking of fantastic... I know I made fun of Classic Thor's yellow go-go boots in my
last review, but get a load of Copperhead: metallic luchador mask (more silver than
copper, by the way), black boots, black stretch pants, black long-sleeve t, bright red
belt, bright red gloves and the finishing touch, bright red ascot.
A number of fight scenes that make Adam West look like Chuck Norris later, we meet
the Professor's new "secretary," a stunner whose sudden arrival doesn't raise the least
bit of suspicion in anyone. Particularly in the love (or "love")-struck Turkish Morey
Amsterdam... who is still sporting his Sherlock Holmes garb. Morey even says -- and I
swear, I am not making this up -- "Godammit, look at that arse!" No, not "ass"... "arse."
It must be the hellova lot of fun writing subtitles.
So, yeah, more stuff happens, and the Professor and his daughter get kidnapped by
Doc Satan a couple times over. It starts to get so tedious that even Tekin takes a
break to get it on with the hottie secretary working for Doc Satan. It should be
mentioned that Doc Satan is no slouch -- he's obviously a proud grad of the School for
Evil Geniuses Institute. Doc Satan puts his know-how on display late in the film when
he uses the Prof's daughter as bait in an overly elaborate trap/death machine for
Copperhead to stumble into. Naturally, Copperhead avoids the whole trap by...
walking around it.
last review, but get a load of Copperhead: metallic luchador mask (more silver than
copper, by the way), black boots, black stretch pants, black long-sleeve t, bright red
belt, bright red gloves and the finishing touch, bright red ascot.
A number of fight scenes that make Adam West look like Chuck Norris later, we meet
the Professor's new "secretary," a stunner whose sudden arrival doesn't raise the least
bit of suspicion in anyone. Particularly in the love (or "love")-struck Turkish Morey
Amsterdam... who is still sporting his Sherlock Holmes garb. Morey even says -- and I
swear, I am not making this up -- "Godammit, look at that arse!" No, not "ass"... "arse."
It must be the hellova lot of fun writing subtitles.
So, yeah, more stuff happens, and the Professor and his daughter get kidnapped by
Doc Satan a couple times over. It starts to get so tedious that even Tekin takes a
break to get it on with the hottie secretary working for Doc Satan. It should be
mentioned that Doc Satan is no slouch -- he's obviously a proud grad of the School for
Evil Geniuses Institute. Doc Satan puts his know-how on display late in the film when
he uses the Prof's daughter as bait in an overly elaborate trap/death machine for
Copperhead to stumble into. Naturally, Copperhead avoids the whole trap by...
walking around it.
Are you on the fence as to whether this is something you need to see? That's okay, I understand.
Let me bring it on home for you now:
There's a scene where after the Professor is captured for the second or third time, he tells one of the
henchmen that he will pay "ten times what Doctor Satan is paying you"... and the henchman takes
him up on it! There must be some really fantastic grant money available in Turkey. Anyway, Doc
Satan is no dummy. When his thug turns on him, Doc Satan releases his most horrible weapon... a
"murderous robot henchman"! Constructed of sheet metal and assembled by junior high kids in
shop class, this robot might be ever more awesome than the man-eating octopus in last week's
review.
Behold the glory of the murderous robot henchman:
Let me bring it on home for you now:
There's a scene where after the Professor is captured for the second or third time, he tells one of the
henchmen that he will pay "ten times what Doctor Satan is paying you"... and the henchman takes
him up on it! There must be some really fantastic grant money available in Turkey. Anyway, Doc
Satan is no dummy. When his thug turns on him, Doc Satan releases his most horrible weapon... a
"murderous robot henchman"! Constructed of sheet metal and assembled by junior high kids in
shop class, this robot might be ever more awesome than the man-eating octopus in last week's
review.
Behold the glory of the murderous robot henchman:
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