 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS
* * * (1961, 54 minutes, Unrated)
"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers."
A Bargain Bin Review-quality film that's only an hour long? Why can't there be more movies like
this.
The movie opens like a student film: Black and white, a girl looking at herself meaningfully, with the
only audio being the loud, relentless clanking of an old clock. Then a pair of beefy hands come out
of nowhere and choke her to death. Oh well, at least the damned clock stopped.
Our narrator tells us -- the film is almost entirely narrated -- that Swedish wrestler and Ed
Wood-regular Tor Johnson is a Big Deal Scientist who has just defected from the Evil Empire. Dr.
Tor and his aide have a whole briefcase of intel to hand off to some agents in Yucca Flats. Turns
out that intel pertains to the Soviet's plans to travel to the moon. How cute. I wish we lived in a
* * * (1961, 54 minutes, Unrated)
"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers."
A Bargain Bin Review-quality film that's only an hour long? Why can't there be more movies like
this.
The movie opens like a student film: Black and white, a girl looking at herself meaningfully, with the
only audio being the loud, relentless clanking of an old clock. Then a pair of beefy hands come out
of nowhere and choke her to death. Oh well, at least the damned clock stopped.
Our narrator tells us -- the film is almost entirely narrated -- that Swedish wrestler and Ed
Wood-regular Tor Johnson is a Big Deal Scientist who has just defected from the Evil Empire. Dr.
Tor and his aide have a whole briefcase of intel to hand off to some agents in Yucca Flats. Turns
out that intel pertains to the Soviet's plans to travel to the moon. How cute. I wish we lived in a
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Tom Hanks, single-handedly keeping NASA in operation since 1995. |
world where our biggest concern was another nation's plans for space
travel. Sadly, my generation only cares about the moon when Tom
Hanks is involved.
As you might imagine, the KGB isn't too keen on any of this. A pair of
agents try to get the jump on Tor Johnson and company, and we're
treated to one of the more stilted shootouts I've seen in a while.
Unfortunately, it's hard to sort out who is who when you have a bunch
of non-descript guys in black suits shooting at each other. And it
certainly doesn't help that all of the actors turn away from the camera
when talking so that the dialogue can be dubbed in after the fact. This
really is a student film!
So there's a shootout and a chase, and all I really know for sure is that
it ends with Tor Johnson wandering around the desert with his
briefcase when an atomic bomb test goes off. Apparently, that kind of
thing used to happen a lot in Yucca Flats.
travel. Sadly, my generation only cares about the moon when Tom
Hanks is involved.
As you might imagine, the KGB isn't too keen on any of this. A pair of
agents try to get the jump on Tor Johnson and company, and we're
treated to one of the more stilted shootouts I've seen in a while.
Unfortunately, it's hard to sort out who is who when you have a bunch
of non-descript guys in black suits shooting at each other. And it
certainly doesn't help that all of the actors turn away from the camera
when talking so that the dialogue can be dubbed in after the fact. This
really is a student film!
So there's a shootout and a chase, and all I really know for sure is that
it ends with Tor Johnson wandering around the desert with his
briefcase when an atomic bomb test goes off. Apparently, that kind of
thing used to happen a lot in Yucca Flats.
| Unfortunately for Tor Johnson's Big Deal Scientist, there weren't any old refrigerators around. |
If you're like me, you're looking forward to seeing Tor Johnson turn into the Incredible Hulk. No
such luck. No cool mutation, not even much in the way of makeup. Just Tor Johnson walking
around with a stick that he never uses to beat anyone.
such luck. No cool mutation, not even much in the way of makeup. Just Tor Johnson walking
around with a stick that he never uses to beat anyone.
| "The Beast" with his walking stick. |
The blast does give Tor's beefy hands the incredible ability to appear anywhere and choke people
to death within seconds. And when he starts choking random travelers, the cops investigate. The
press is all over it, too: BEAST KILLS MAN AND WIFE. What kind of "beast" strangles people?
And with the introduction of the only two police officers in Yucca Flats, we should talk about the
narration. The writing is... wow. Everyone is introduced in choppy, hard-boiled fragments. If the
narrator were to introduce me, it'd sound like this:
to death within seconds. And when he starts choking random travelers, the cops investigate. The
press is all over it, too: BEAST KILLS MAN AND WIFE. What kind of "beast" strangles people?
And with the introduction of the only two police officers in Yucca Flats, we should talk about the
narration. The writing is... wow. Everyone is introduced in choppy, hard-boiled fragments. If the
narrator were to introduce me, it'd sound like this:
Nolahn. Film reviewer. Observer of the human condition.
Looking for beauty trapped within the celluloid of
terrible movies. A labor of love, with the emphasis on
"labor."
Looking for beauty trapped within the celluloid of
terrible movies. A labor of love, with the emphasis on
"labor."
Some other gems:
"110 degrees in the shade... and there's no shade."
"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers."
Anyway, we get to watch these two cops conduct their search for the beast in what feels like real
time. Around the same time, a family stops for gas or something, and their two boys get
themselves lost in the desert. Goodie, more people to watch wander around the wilderness.
The cops ultimately decide, and I'm not making this up, to fly around the plateau in a plane and
shoot at anyone they see wandering around. Because anyone wandering around must be the
"110 degrees in the shade... and there's no shade."
"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers."
Anyway, we get to watch these two cops conduct their search for the beast in what feels like real
time. Around the same time, a family stops for gas or something, and their two boys get
themselves lost in the desert. Goodie, more people to watch wander around the wilderness.
The cops ultimately decide, and I'm not making this up, to fly around the plateau in a plane and
shoot at anyone they see wandering around. Because anyone wandering around must be the
| Police work. |
killer. It really is "shoot first, ask questions later" for
these guys, and dad is in for a big shock when he
goes looking for his boys.
Just how bad are these cops? They eventually save
the boys from Tor Johnson, fight and kill him, and then
leave his body in the desert. Cuz that's how they roll in
Yucca Flats.
these guys, and dad is in for a big shock when he
goes looking for his boys.
Just how bad are these cops? They eventually save
the boys from Tor Johnson, fight and kill him, and then
leave his body in the desert. Cuz that's how they roll in
Yucca Flats.
The Beast of Yucca Flats was viewed for free at BadMovieRealm.com's
Diasterpiece Theatre.
Looking for a second opinion? This film is a b-movie staple, so you have
plenty to choose from:
BadMovies.org
HellHorror.com
Invasion of the B-Movies
The Monster Shack
ObscureHorror.com
Radiation Cinema
Vault of Obscurity
WTF-Film.com
This film was also discussed in a recent episode of THE LAIR OF THE
UNWANTED.
Diasterpiece Theatre.
Looking for a second opinion? This film is a b-movie staple, so you have
plenty to choose from:
BadMovies.org
HellHorror.com
Invasion of the B-Movies
The Monster Shack
ObscureHorror.com
Radiation Cinema
Vault of Obscurity
WTF-Film.com
This film was also discussed in a recent episode of THE LAIR OF THE
UNWANTED.
| '11 Binnie Winner! |