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BARBIE AND THE MAGIC OF PEGASUS
* * * (2005, 85 minutes, Unrated)
In which Barbie rides her sister.
Can you believe there are like 16 of these Barbie movies? I don't even want to think about how
many I've sat through with the Nolahnettes...
We start off in a medieval wonderland, where Barbie -- a.k.a. Princess Annika -- is celebrating her
birthday by slipping into a pair of jeans (hussy!) and ice skating. She skates like an Olympiad, of
course, cuz she's frickin' Barbie and she's perfect in every way.
It's during her skating session where Barbie has her "cute animal sidekick" requirement met when
she meets and adopts an adorable polar bear cub. Fortunately for Barbie, the cub hasn't acquired
a taste for human flesh.
* * * (2005, 85 minutes, Unrated)
In which Barbie rides her sister.
Can you believe there are like 16 of these Barbie movies? I don't even want to think about how
many I've sat through with the Nolahnettes...
We start off in a medieval wonderland, where Barbie -- a.k.a. Princess Annika -- is celebrating her
birthday by slipping into a pair of jeans (hussy!) and ice skating. She skates like an Olympiad, of
course, cuz she's frickin' Barbie and she's perfect in every way.
It's during her skating session where Barbie has her "cute animal sidekick" requirement met when
she meets and adopts an adorable polar bear cub. Fortunately for Barbie, the cub hasn't acquired
a taste for human flesh.
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| Adorable! |
Barbie's parents aren't so keen on any of this. They're quickly cast as the over-protective types,
going so far as wanting to keep Barbie locked up in the castle. Barbie rips out such classics as
"I'm not a baby anymore!" and "You're ruining my life!" and "I never get to have any fun!" Seriously,
my five-year-old unleashes one of those on me at least once a week.
Barbie isn't having any of this "say home" business, so she puts on her cutest pink dress, steals
back her skates and sneaks out to the big ice skating block party. Omigod, this is exactly what
happened to me on my 16th birthday!
Suddenly, some World of Warcraft character shows up on his pet griffin to proposition Barbie. She
shoots him down for too many reasons to list here. Captain WoW doesn't take being shot down
by a princess very well, and uses his +1 Staff of Douchbaggery to turn all of the townspeople --
including the king and queen -- into stone. Barbie is about to get the same treatment when a
pegasus swoops in and carries Barbie and her pet polar bear away.
It's eerie how similar this is to my 16th birthday.
going so far as wanting to keep Barbie locked up in the castle. Barbie rips out such classics as
"I'm not a baby anymore!" and "You're ruining my life!" and "I never get to have any fun!" Seriously,
my five-year-old unleashes one of those on me at least once a week.
Barbie isn't having any of this "say home" business, so she puts on her cutest pink dress, steals
back her skates and sneaks out to the big ice skating block party. Omigod, this is exactly what
happened to me on my 16th birthday!
Suddenly, some World of Warcraft character shows up on his pet griffin to proposition Barbie. She
shoots him down for too many reasons to list here. Captain WoW doesn't take being shot down
by a princess very well, and uses his +1 Staff of Douchbaggery to turn all of the townspeople --
including the king and queen -- into stone. Barbie is about to get the same treatment when a
pegasus swoops in and carries Barbie and her pet polar bear away.
It's eerie how similar this is to my 16th birthday.
The pegasus flies Barbie off to the Cloud Kingdom --
not to be confused with Cloud City -- to meet up with
a bunch of little girls and baby pegasuses (pegassi?
pegasees?) and the Cloud Queen, who drops some
major exposition on us. Stuff like, the pegasus is
really Barbie's sister, Brietta, whom Barbie doesn't
seem to remember ever having. Brietta wouldn't put
out for Captain WoW either, so he turned her into a...
really cool mythical creature.
not to be confused with Cloud City -- to meet up with
a bunch of little girls and baby pegasuses (pegassi?
pegasees?) and the Cloud Queen, who drops some
major exposition on us. Stuff like, the pegasus is
really Barbie's sister, Brietta, whom Barbie doesn't
seem to remember ever having. Brietta wouldn't put
out for Captain WoW either, so he turned her into a...
really cool mythical creature.
| Cloud City: Not appearing in this film. |
Anyway, Barbie only has three days to accept Captain WoW's proposal, or the stone-turning spell
will be permanent. So Barbie, her horsey sister and her pet polar bear head off to find the three
elements needed to build the Wand of Light (+2 vs. Bad Vibes), which will reverse the spell.
First stop: the Forbidden Forest. Who names these places? While there, Team Barbie meets up
with the other Barbie requisite, the Bland Pretty Boy. From there, the gang has a series of
adventures involving giants and set pieces from Disney's Aladdin.
It was at this point that I realized the film was blissfully free of big music numbers, opting instead
for action sequences. No complaints here.
In fact, it's almost as if someone with a brain put this movie together. For example, when in the
big treasure room where they're not allowed to be greedy and can only take the thing they need,
Bland Pretty Boy takes a gem for himself without any ramification. We find out later that he takes it
for unselfish reasons, but that in itself is smarter than every other treasure room scene.
And in an awesomely smart and unexpected move, after Barbie successfully puts the Wand of
Light together and takes on Captain WoW, he just bitch-slaps her and takes the wand.
So, yeah, this one was actually pretty good. I'm not suggesting that you have some buddies over
for pizza and beer to watch it, but if you have to sit through a kid's movie, this is a palatable option.
will be permanent. So Barbie, her horsey sister and her pet polar bear head off to find the three
elements needed to build the Wand of Light (+2 vs. Bad Vibes), which will reverse the spell.
First stop: the Forbidden Forest. Who names these places? While there, Team Barbie meets up
with the other Barbie requisite, the Bland Pretty Boy. From there, the gang has a series of
adventures involving giants and set pieces from Disney's Aladdin.
It was at this point that I realized the film was blissfully free of big music numbers, opting instead
for action sequences. No complaints here.
In fact, it's almost as if someone with a brain put this movie together. For example, when in the
big treasure room where they're not allowed to be greedy and can only take the thing they need,
Bland Pretty Boy takes a gem for himself without any ramification. We find out later that he takes it
for unselfish reasons, but that in itself is smarter than every other treasure room scene.
And in an awesomely smart and unexpected move, after Barbie successfully puts the Wand of
Light together and takes on Captain WoW, he just bitch-slaps her and takes the wand.
So, yeah, this one was actually pretty good. I'm not suggesting that you have some buddies over
for pizza and beer to watch it, but if you have to sit through a kid's movie, this is a palatable option.
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| '11 Binnie Winner! |