BLOGGIN' BIN REVUE

2012 Binnie Awards Nomination Special

Now with 100% more references to The Room. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 4^th Annual Binnie Awards Nomination Special!

 As you know, the Binnies are our anti-Oscar programming to recognize the best of the worst covered by the Bargain Bin Review over the past year. And by “year,” we mean February through January. No, that doesn’t make sense, but neither does a “fiscal” calendar, so whatever.

And now, here to present the nominees for this year’s Binnies is our 2011 Patron Saint of The Bin, Tommy Wiseau!

Oh hai there. As you con see from this pecture of me smeyel-ling, I om very happy to be here.

Doe I have to admint, I’m not such a BIG fon of awaurds… I think, in LIFE, evyone should get an awaurd faur being the best person that they our. I know that, faur me, having to chews between some of deese nominees… it’s so haurd.

I do naught want to peak just one! I do naught!! IT’S TEARING ME APART (LISA)!

Ha ha ha. Sarry for the dramatics, but it’s in my contract to say that line at least once, so I wonted to get it owt of the way. Speaking of dramatics, here is are furst category…

TOMMY WISEAU: Ha ha ha. Deese filmmakers, they our so tricky… But I think that cauming up with something new faur a film genedre is whaut filmmakers are supposed to do. I know that’s what I did in The Room — I took a typical staury with roamance and comedy and I said, “Wow, what if it was like LIFE?” And it was.

TOMMY: I jaust noticed, all of deese nominees? They are so BIG. And, I know that in the movies, they always taulk about BIG and EXPLAUSIONS and very BIG, but sometimes in life, the most impressive things are naught BIG — they’re naught. Like LOVE. Or a snowflake on my nose. Or salt.

TOMMY: Okay, I do naught understand this catergory… Why is it criminal? It should naught be eel-legal to have CREATIVE or imagination. Instead of peaking on deese filmmakers, maybe we should give them a haug and say, “Oh hai. I like yawr imagination.” And the wauld wood be a better place.

TOMMY: Again, I think deese things our hurtful. I thawt this site liked movies. Where is the LOVE?

TOMMY: Okay, I do naught understand this catergory either, but I do understand awktors… Oh, Elezabeth Shue, so beauteaful. I remember the furst time I sauw her, it was in Cawktail, I was in LOVE… And John Haulkes, he was in “Deadwoolled,” so good. Wars Ossie Davis is “Deadwoolled,” too? No? Oh. That show had such good imagination… Okay, I wars just tauld who Adam Scott and Steve Raot our. Wow, they our so FAUNNY! Adam Scott in “Potty Dawn,” so faunny, and I can relate cuz it‘s like life! And Steve Raot in Office Space, with the red stapler, so faunny!

TOMMY: Ha ha ha. Now this is great, because I daunt think olbjets get the recognition faur their performances that I think they shoed. Like that football in my movie, The Room? It was like, evy time we taused the football around, it was like saying to evyone, “Hey evyone, naw we our male bonding!”

TOMMY: I like this. I think evyone shoed be reading.

TOMMY: Let me tell you how I’m feelings: It is hauld to see awl the great people who cauld replace me. “Raldy” Piper, he’s the wrestler with the skirt? Ha ha ha… Wing Wing is so great in Faur You’ll Height Only, so CUTE, I want to put him in my pocket… Gem Kelly, wow. With the karate? Black Belt Jones. Ha-cha ha-cha ha! Ha ha ha… Oh, the paulpet in The Giant Claw, so faunny! And scary, cuz sometimes berds look like that… And, oh! Sam Axe! I like him, he’s so faunny.

TOMMY: Ha ha ha.

TOMMY: Okay, I do naught wont to pull my luck… Is Stephin Sougaul going to shaw up again? I do naught want to be made into sushi like the MEGA shaulk was last year. 

So. That does it for this special. Pauls our open now, and you can vote anytime between nawl and Friedday, February 17^th. Bye bye!