Send in the Clowns. Happy New Year! I hope you all had a great New Year, and have spend the day cleaning up your Christmas stuff as opposed to vomiting profusely.
Well, this is it: As I’ve teased and hinted at and alluded to and eventually flat out told you, this is the final post here at the Bloggin’ Bin Revue. And while I will continue to co-host The Lair of the Unwanted, my days of rantin’, ravin’ and reviewin’ at the Bargain Bin Review are also over.
Sorry. Blame it on the Mayans.
Buck up, little campers. The Bargain Bin Review isn’t dead.
No sir! Instead, The ‘Bin has combined forces with the honorable Nick Jobe (formerly of Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob) and the award-winning Jason Soto (formerly of Invasion of the B-Movies) to create THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN TO THE INTERNET IN 2013 SO FAR!
I present to you…
Not only will Your Face! (www.yourfaceisa.com) be the new home of the Bargain Bin Reviews, but the three of us will continue to give you more of whatchalike and some exciting joint features, too.
Yes! Like the Three Amigos, today we gallop off in a random direction enthusiastically to take on The Internets! In fact, we are the Three Amigos! We are the Three Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Migos!
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you join me over at Your Face!
~ Nolahn, 1/1/2013
…with a Year in Review. This is it, the final installment of this feature… and the penultimate post of the Bloggin’ Bin Revue. The final post of this blog will go up tomorrow, where I’ll turn off the lights and make sure the doors are locked.
Oh, and clue you in to the next evolution of the Binniverse.
Until then, what better way to cure your case of the Mondays AND say goodbye to 2012 than with a round-up by The Onion:
Vamp Rock? It’s the Season Three finale of The Lair of the Unwanted! Nick Jobe of Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob joins us to ring in the new year and discuss the stale fart of a film that is Rockula.
This episode has it all! Irrelevant vampires! Toni Basil! Digs on Rock of Ages! The Game of the Unwanted! A MAJOR, WORLD-CHANGING ANNOUNCEMENT! And an ending that’s all too shocking!
You do not, do NOT, DO NOT! want to miss this episode.
Saturday Night’s All Right. Well, The Decembocalypse is behind us and all that’s left is the aftermath… which means there’s no movie to preview for this coming week. But this is the final installment of Saturday Night Video for the Bloggin’ Bin Revue, so it’d be a shame to not post something.
I was going to go with R.E.M.’s It’s the End of the World. It’s a classic, but a bit cliche and on the nose, no? Anyway, I’ve linked to that video if you need an R.E.M. fix.
I’m going with U2 instead…
Love this song. Okay, you might say this is just as on the nose as It’s the End of the World, but there’s clearly a lot more going on in this song. Also, I was lucky enough to catch this concert twice — easily one of the best I’ve ever attended.
Out with a Bang Edition. Well, this is it — the final edition of Flashback Friday. The sun is setting on this here blog, so why not go out with style and give you FIVE Flashback films.
In no particular order:
1999’s MYSTERY MEN — The Golden Age of Superhero Movies was just getting started when this parody hit the theaters. I get the impression that it wasn’t very warmly received — maybe it was too soon? Sure, it’s a bit too warm-n-fuzzy near the end, but it sports a great cast and does a fine job of both skewering and emulating the genre.
1985’s SILVERADO – One of two films in this finale that I could’ve sworn I’d put in this space before. Silverado was an attempt to modernize the notoriously tricky western genre. Depending on your mood at the time, this film either needs more Kevin Costner or less Kevin Costner.
1985’s YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES – As I’ve confessed in the past, I’m not a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes. I’ve always found him to be too perfect: great at everything and an expert in all matters who also appears to have telescopic vision and a photographic memory (that Robert Downey, Jr. made his Holmes socially retarded made the 2009 film for me). He’s basically a Victorian-era Superman — another character who bores me to tears.
But in Young Sherlock Holmes, we get a teenaged version who isn’t quite so sure of himself yet, still testing out theories and the extent of his skill. At least, that’s how I remember it. Giving the film an undeniable Indiana Jones vibe doesn’t hurt, either.
1988’s MONKEY SHINES – I thought I’d run this film here before, too. Monkey Shines is very much a slow burn — a quadriplegic man begins to suspect that his helper monkey is psychotic — but so worth it in the end.
2003’s OLD SCHOOL – Admittedly, this film loses steam in the second half, where the focus moves away from Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell reliving their glory days to Luke Wilson wooing whatsherface from Grey’s Anatomy. This film is absolutely at its best when pointing out how absurd adulthood is: “Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.” As someone who has bored himself to tears talking about home improvement projects, I could’ve watched a whole movie of this.
Keep an eye out here over the next few days, as I’ll be posting often as we reach the end of the line for the Bloggin’ Bin Revue.
A Countdown of The Year’s Harshest Hits. Last week, I linked to a bunch of “Worst of” lists. Not because I have any kind of financial incentive, but because I like to give you want you like.
Looking over those lists, I couldn’t help but think that those listographers had it easy. Cuz, know what? The Bargain Bin Review’s 2012 was brutal, absolutely brutal.
True, a lot of that had to do with THE GAUNTLET II: A GOOD DAY TO GAUNTLET, which was about 700% more painful to sit through than the original. But even then, I found a record four films unworthy of even a single asterisk, which is ridiculous.
Am I loosing my touch?
(looks back over films reviewed over the past year)
No, this is indeed a bunch of stinkers.
Consider this: My 2012 was so bad at The ‘Bin, films such as The Happening, Inspector Gadget and The Chaperone don’t even make my honorable mentions.
Without any further adieu…
THE WORST OF THE ‘BIN IN 2012
Nothing in this film makes a lick of sense. Nothing. And that makes this the best film on this list.
#4 – CREEPSHOW III
It was this film that made me realize once and for all that horror anthologies are the scrapple of film genres.
This should have been a fun movie. Instead, it’s a crude, racist mess. Such a shame.
The only film on this list to be awarded an asterisk… one that I would like to take back. This film takes delightful, iconic classic cartoon characters and makes them so annoying, it’s hard to sit through the movie in a single sitting. Numerous careers were derailed by this movie, and rightly so.
I thought this would be good for a laugh, most likely at the film’s expense. I though wrong, so very wrong. This film has all the contrivances of a heavy-handed sitcom combined with unlikeable protagonists and a completely unmemorable villain. I can’t remember what this film is actually about outside of testing my patience.
Dishonorable Mentions: Surf Nazis Must Die, Suburban Commando, Fireproof, The Neverending Story 3, Baby Geniuses, Batman and Robin, Jack and Jill, Leonard Part 6
Out with a Whimper. Well, this is it: The final entry into The Decembocalypse, and the final review at the Bargain Bin Review. It all ends after this, just like the Mayans predicted.
Given the scope of The ‘Bin, I can’t think of a more appropriate film to wrap up with than this notoriously laughable stinker from stinkmeiser N. Night Shyamalan.
** (2008, 91 minutes, Rated R) What’s Happening?
Perhaps an inability to direct actors and write dialogue are M. Night Shyamalan’s real weakness, and we just never realized it because The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable both required Bruce Willis to just sit still and be quiet.
…with the Most Predictable Time of the Year. Merry Christmas Eve Day! It’ll be of little surprise that I won’t be posting tomorrow. Not that you’d notice — I often skip a day here, there and everywhere, so not posting on a Tuesday would just be par for the course.
Fear not, there will indeed be a new review on Wednesday. How could there not? It’s the last one for The ‘Bin.
Enjoy this gift of Epic Rap Battling!
Days Gone By. For this final entry into The Decembocalypse — and the final review on my site — I’ve decided to tease this week’s review with something more subtle than a trailer for the movie. If you’ve been following along, this’ll likely be a very obvious clue.
Besides, why not have some special fun for the holidays. Ho ho ho? More like “Hey HEY hey!”
The Most Listiest Time of the Year. Christmas is just a couple days away, which means time is almost out on 2012… Time to roll out all the Year-End Lists!
Of course, the only ones of interest to me are the Worst Movies of 2012 lists. Especially this year, which has been universally recognized as a banner year for films.
So what does a Worst Movies of 2012 list look like this time around? Surprisingly respectable.
By that, I mean it appears we weren’t deluged with Waylan Brothers comedies or Katherine Heigl rom-coms this year. Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy only appear on The AV Club’s list, and such regular offenders as Sarah Jessica Parker, Lindsay Lohan and (God bless him) Nic Cage were nowhere to be seen.
More surprising is how deep these sites had to dig. All of the sites I’ve linked to below had to dig pretty deep to round out their lists, either with limited releases or documentaries. I guess 2012 was a banner year for films after all.